Pumpkin Mocha Breve

Part 6

Date- March 26

For some reason I woke up much earlier than usual the next day. I extracted myself from my large pile of blankets and opened my bedroom curtain to realize that the sun wasn't even up yet. I frowned at the darkness outside my window. I never knew what to do with myself when I woke up this early. What was I supposed to do for- I checked my clock- three hours until eight o'clock, when I had to go to work? I flopped down onto my bed, unplugging my phone from the wall. I opened Instagram. A little green dot next to Agatha's profile indicated that she was online. What was she doing awake as well? I sent her a message.

'Hey, good morning <3'

A new message from her popped up a few seconds later.

'Hi Simon.'

'You sound so serious. Something up?' A pang of anxiety shot through my side. Was she okay? 

'Yeah, everything's fine.'

There was a pause, but the little bubble with the three dots popped up again as she entered in another message. 'Actually, can I talk to you about something?'

'Of course Agatha.' 

'Simon, I just want you to know that this isn't about anything you've done.' A pause, then another message. 'I just don't think this is working out very well.' Another pause, and it clicked in my brain what was happening. I didn't want this to happen. 'I did love you Simon,  but you're just not the right person for me. I hope you understand, and I hope we can still be friends.' I bit my lip, trying not to cry. 'I'm breaking up with you, Simon. I'm sorry.'

I sobbed, my breath catching in my throat. I yelled into my blanket and threw my phone across the room. I heard a 'crack' as it hit the corner of my dresser and a thud as it hit the floor. This was all my fault. What had I done? I thought we were fine. Me and Agatha were supposed to spend our lives together. We'd been dating for years already. How long had she wanted to do this? How long had she been waiting to tell me? How many times had she told me she loved me and hadn't meant it? 

Looking back on it years later, I'd realize that although I did love her, it wasn't enough to spend my life with her. But in the moment, I felt like my life was over. It didn't feel real. I pinched myself in the arm, trying to wake up, but I didn't. Every time the tears stopped, a new wave of sadness would overtake me. I couldn't seem to stop remembering everything I'd ever done with Agatha. She was perfect. She was like a ray of sunshine when I first saw her, bright, happy, radiant, the opposite of what I believed myself to be. She'd tried her hardest to raise my self esteem, but in the end I was right all along. I was nothing compared to her. I was worthless. Agatha was made out of blue skies and light, and me? Nothing but clouds and mud. I was foolish and naive for thinking she'd love me back. 

I spent at least two hours lying awake in bed, not wanting to get up and face reality, not knowing if I could survive the whole work day without thinking of Agatha. I ended up calling in sick, and although the manager was annoyed- since I'm the only one working there since Penny quit, he had to go work himself- he said I could take any time I needed to feel better. If I waited that long I think he'd fire me by that point. Nevertheless, I was grateful for the time off. It meant more time I could lie in bed hating myself and contemplating whether or not I could have done something to prevent Agatha breaking up with me. I eventually got up and got my phone from where it lay on the floor. There were new messages from Agatha, and the screen was cracked as well from where it hit the dresser. I opened the messages.

'Simon? Are you ok?'
'I'm so sorry Si, I do love you still, please understand that, but you're just not right for me.'
'I know you're hurting, but please, please don't do anything to yourself. You're ok right? Please just tell me if you're ok.'
'If you don't want to talk to me, that's okay. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.'

I took a deep breath and closed my messages, opening an arcade game on my phone that didn't require any real brain power so as to pass the time. For once in my life, I didn't get bored in three minutes. I relished the alone time.