When Light Met Dark // Phan

Eight

He sat at the bridge wall, cars rushing past, though none of them stopped to see if he was okay. Maybe they hadn't seen him? Maybe they couldn't bring themselves to care? Either way, they didn't stop, simply continuing their journeys, oblivious to the young man sitting dangerously close to the edge of a far too high up bridge. 

The concept of falling wasn't as terrifying as it would have seemed a few months ago, instead he thought of it with a sense of relief; he wouldn't have to struggle through every day pretending he was okay anymore. It could finally end.

He allowed himself a moment to take in the warm sun on his skin before pushing himself away from the bridge wall, deciding that it would be better to do it sooner rather than later, but before he could reach the water, Phil woke up.

*

He sat bolt upright, heart beating through his thin t-shirt, looking around his heavily decorated room in a vain attempt to bring his heart rate down. He hadn't had a dream like that in a while. It didn't take him long to realise why it had happened, though that didn't stop a tear from escaping his eye, leaving a cold trail of water down his cheek as if to remind him of his weakness.

His thoughts drifted to the boy in the next room, who was either sleeping soundly, or having a very similar dream, which only made him cry even more so. If he was having dreams like this, years after it actually happened, what was Dan going through right now? Could Dan even get to sleep at all? What if, every time he says he's okay, every time he says he's feeling better, it's a lie? Or at least an attempt to make himself believe his own words?

Phil didn't realise how much noise he had been making until he heard a light knock at his door, seemingly out of nowhere; he was so used to living alone, that the fact that he now had a roommate kind of escaped his memory.

"Phil?" Dan's voice was muffled through the door, though it was clear he was worried. Phil didn't respond immediately; he hadn't shown this emotional, more human part of him to many people before, the few who had being his parents and his brother. They always knew what to say because they were close, but other people... He wasn't sure if other people would react in the same way, so it was just easier for him to hide these feelings away from them.

But Dan was different. They had more in common than Phil was willing to admit, so surely he was the best person to turn to? Dan knew how to treat things like this, right? They'd talked about Dan's experiences, however briefly, but they'd never discussed his own problems; they'd just never come up, or even made themselves known until now.

"Come in" Phil said, wiping tears away from his eyes as Dan shuffled through the doorway, eyebrows furrowed together in concern. He made his way over to the bed, sitting down next to Phil, just like Phil had done for him on the first night.

"Are you okay?" Dan asked quietly, clasping his hands tightly in his lap. Though it was quite obvious that Dan wasn't used to being in a situation like this, it still made the other man's heart warm with fondness at the fact he was trying at all. It would have been easier for Dan to ignore him, simply getting on with his own evening uninterrupted, yet here he was, making sure Phil was alright.

"Not really." There was no point even trying to deny that he had been crying moments before; his cheeks were still glistening with the tears that had not yet dried and his eyes were red and puffy.

"Do you want to tell me why?"

"Yes"

There was a long silence as Phil searched his brain for the right words, occasionally thinking he'd found the right combination only to throw it away a second later. He wanted to do this right.