Dan hadn't slept at all that night, far too anxious worrying about what the next day would hold to even think about it, instead hiding himself under his covers to scroll through Tumblr, hoping it could distract him from his problems. It didn't work.
His thoughts kept drifting back to Phil, who Dan wished was laying next to him, but given the circumstances, that was damn near impossible. He wanted Phil to hold him close again, like he actually held some form of importance, like maybe he was loved, after all, but instead, they were separated by a wall; both physical and metaphorical.
His heart was heavy, cheeks damp from tears he didn't know he'd let fall, but he couldn't bring himself to care. A part of him dared hope Phil initiated the kiss because there were genuine feelings involved, but Dan knew he was unloveable; Phil felt sorry for him. That was the only solution he could think of that was somewhat believable.
It was still too early to think about leaving for work, but he could still busy himself with getting ready, as slowly as he could, of course.
So he walked to the bathroom, pausing as he reached Phil's door, considering opening it if only to check in on him, but something held him back. Instead, he got to the bathroom, closing the door behind him, undressing and getting into the shower.
He wasn't in a rush, he just let the hot water fall down his body, making no effort to clean himself. If anything, he wanted to pass the time, though he knew he'd be too lost in thought to notice if an hour had passed, or a few minutes.
He heard Phil's footsteps across the hall, and he wanted to shout out a good morning like he usually did, but his voice didn't seem to work, instead letting out a feeble croak.
It was all well and good trying to pretend last night never happened, but what good was that when he couldn't stop thinking about it?
And Chris! He knew where he lived now! What was stopping him from breaking in? It hadn't occurred to Dan what danger this posed until just now; last night, he was a bit distracted by his best friend fucking kissing him.
He was a mess, there was no denying that as he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and going back to his room.
"Good morning!" He heard from the living room, but looking down at his exposed body, he didn't think it would be appropriate to go and see him right now, though the same thing had happened many times before.
"Morning!" He decided to reply in an equally loud voice, and he thought maybe he could keep this up if he carried on pretending. He'd been pretending all his life, he should be used to it by now.
*
"What you doing?" Dan put on a smile as he entered the living room, Phil lounging on the sofa, laptop resting on his thighs, but moving his feet so Dan could sit.
"Editing a video." Phil always gave monotonous answers while deep in concentration, and though it was a regular occurrence, given the circumstances, Dan couldn't help but think that maybe last night had put him in a bad mood. His eyes lingered on Phil's form for a moment before standing up again.
"Leaving already?" Phil asked, surprised, pushing his laptop onto the cushion besides him.
"Yeah, I've uh, got a lot of work to do." Phil followed him out to the front door, watching him put his shoes and jacket on, face contorting with varying degrees of reluctance before finally finding his voice.
"Look, about last night-"
"We can talk about it when I get back," Dan interrupted, though his mouth had acted before his mind had had the chance to think it through, "I need to go." Phil just nodded, falling silent as he opened the door, watching Dan leave with a heavy heart.
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When Light Met Dark // Phan
قصص الهواةDan Howell isn't exactly the happiest person, and that is proven true one fateful evening. That particular evening, he's sure his life will come to an abrupt end. But his plans are halted by a stranger called Phil Lester, a man who understands the...
