35. Bruises

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For days I've wanted him to come out of hiding and talk to me, explain himself. Now that the moment was here I had cold feet. I hated not knowing what was going to happen. Despite what I saw the night of Kells party and how much that other side of him scared me, I wasn't ready for us to be over.

Taking in a deep breath, I opened the door and prepared myself for whatever was to come. The night was cool and quiet. I swear I could hear my heart thumping. He remained on the other side of the gate, hand stuffed in the pockets of that grey hoodie he let me borrow before thing's got so complicated.

Standing in front of him, even in nothing but the glow of the street light and the pale moon, I could see the cut on lip and some swelling under his tired brown eyes that hadn't gone down yet. For a moment we just stared, taking each other in. God. How could I want to kiss someone and slap them all at the same time?

I missed him. All I wanted to do was forget about the fight and his cousin and kiss him, because it had been so long since the last time. Honestly, I couldn't even remember the last time.

That couldn't happen, though. Ignoring things, brushing stuff off just to avoid confrontation is what I did in the past. I wasn't making that mistake again. Even though it was very tempting.

He met my eyes and chewing at the corner of his lip, the side that wasn't damaged. Then he said, "I'm not apologizing for the fight."

If I wasn't already convinced that he was nothing like the other guys I've been with, that would've been the thing to do it. When they messed up they'd apologize then turn around and do it again. The cycle would repeat a dozen more times and I was too dumb to get the hint.

"I don't know what happened that night," he continued. He looked down at the sidewalk, jaw tightening. "Or what he did to you. I just... I didn't like seeing you like that. And I didn't like that he had something to do with it."

My mind back to the first party we went to together. When that girl yelled at him for stepping on her shoes I didn't hesitate to stand up for him. So, I guess from that standpoint I could see why he wanted to kick Adam's ass. It was hard to just stand by and watch someone you cared about be wronged.

Julian met my eyes now, probably waiting for me to say something. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to remove the fence sized space between us. There were still some answers I needed first.

"It wasn't because of what he said?" I asked, ignoring how much the question made me squirm. "About your 'side job'."

His shoulders slumped as he let out a breath. "That was part of it, I guess."

It was true? "You sale drugs?"

"No." He didn't look as incredulous as Bobby, but he was still shocked I'd suggest it. "My cousin does, though. When the car stopped working I needed money to get it fixed. He offered to pay for the repairs if I helped him get the money that somebody owed him," he explained. "It was that guy that used to be with you at Sprinklez, Xavier? He must've told Adam."

"So, you're not drug dealer, just one of his lackeys?" His brow creased at my accusation. "You just go around beating people up for money? That's a whole lot better."

His face fell, eyes not quite meeting mine. "I'm not proud of it," he said, not denying it. "I just...We couldn't afford not to have a car. And it was that one time. The last time."

He sounded like he meant it. My heart wanted to accept that and move past it. My head, however, kept reminding me of all the other times I was so quick to let a guy off the hook.

"Is that it?" I asked. He looked at me questioningly. "Are there any more secrets that might expose themselves? Because I can't be with you if you're not honest with me. I can't be with someone who's going to lie to me. Not again."

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