Strawberries and Cigarettes (A BLACKPINK_JENLISA SERIES I: RED ASHES)

[IX - EPILOGUE]

Jennie's POV

(A/N: I recommend you to play Strawbwrries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan while reading this part. Thank you for reading, and happy reading!)

OCT. 23, 2018, 11AM

I was currently sitting on a grassland, playing with my dog named Kuma while resting my head on a stone that breaks my heart.

"Kuma, meet your real mom and my wife who now lives far, far away." I mumbled while caressing Kuma's fur.

Kuma sat behind her stone and slept there.

I opened my bag and brought my phone, headset and a notebook. I wore my headset and played her fave song.

I also opened the thing that I treasured the most, her journal.

🎶Remember when we first met?
You said "light my cigarette"
So I lied to my mom and dad
I jumped the fence and I ran
But we couldn't go very far
'Cause you locked your keys in your car
So you sat and stared at my lips
And I could already feel your kiss🎶

This notebook means a lot to me. This holds the memories of us.

This is just an ordinary notebook to you, but for me, it's like a lecture notebook that you need to memorize and to take care. Actually, I already memorized all the words and sentences written here, for I always read this journal.

I rested my head on her tombstone, thinking it's her shoulder as I read the last page of her journal and listened to her face song.

---

OCT 23, 2016

To my badass girlfriend and Sweetiepie, Jennie Kim,

Hello. I hope before you read this, I hope you're happy and still remembers me.

First of all, I decided to make Oct. 23 a special day so I bought you a dog, since you like dogs and  I also decided to give this journal to you. I just want you to know how I treasure our memories by recording them in this journal, from the day we met, how you smoke cigarettes, how your lips tasted like strawberries, how do I feel if I am with you, and how do I fell in love with you at the first stare.

---
🎶Long nights, daydreams
Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
Headlights, on me
Racing to 60, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like
Blue eyes, black jeans
Lighters and candy, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you🎶

---

You know what, I am so happy I've met you and became part of my life. I didnt expected this because I am just an ordinary transferee student and you're famous at our school.
I only remember your name at our school though.

Then you started to bully me and I never felt that hurt feeling before because finally you noticed me. Even though you always making fun of me, and it's kinda irritating sometimes, it's okay as long as you are happy, I am happy.

I realize that we'll just end up there but I am still hoping that someday, somehow, somewhere we will be closer than friends.

---

🎶Remember when you taught me fate
Said it'd all be worth the wait
Like that night in the back of the cab
When your fingers walked in my hand
Next day, nothin' on my phone
But I can still smell you on my clothes
Always hoping things would change
But we went right back to your games🎶

---

And the day came when we had our review, our first fight. You knew that I almost cant sleep? I felt guilty and my ego was crushed when I hurted you. But still you managed to say sorry to me, even though I should be the one who should say it.

But sorry for that okay?

Then we walked our way home under the raining clouds, actually I am not allowed to go wet because of the rain, but I am with you that time, so it's okay :>

Then, the time when you sleep over to my room, our endearments... I am starting to get comfortable with you by those ways.

Then you confessed to me, I pretended to be asleep so I can hear your confession... I was like: I want to hug you and scream that time... I still cant believe it...

I realized that, it's been a year since we met. It's been a year since I am hoping to be like this with you... that's why I am mad at you that time! Why dont you have told me before?

----

🎶Long nights, daydreams
Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
Headlights, on me
Racing to 60, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like
Blue eyes, black jeans
Lighters and candy, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you🎶

---

I cant believe that Jennie Kim will be my first kiss, then my first (ya' know?)... I really feel great because you're my first and last.

I am so happy... to be with you, my Sweetiepie.

I am so happy that even though we didnt last for that long, I still met you and be my first and last girlfriend.

I am so happy... I dont have any words left to say... I am just happy to be with you.

I cant wish for more, I just want to be with you forever.

---

🎶And even if I run away
Give my heart a holiday
Still strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
You always leave me wanting more
I can't shake my hunger for
Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
Yeah, they always taste like you
You
Long nights, daydreams
With that sugar and smoke rings
Always taste like you🎶

---

And speaking of forever, remember my commitment? I promised that I will be yours, and will stay at your side forever. I may still cant do the second one but I am still here, watching you from above.

My wish is, never forget me, never forget me as your Cutiepie. Even you managed to find someone better than me, well it's okay, I understand you. You need someone in your life that will be with you 'til the end and I already accepted that was not me.

But I hope, we can still meet and reunite each other at rainbow's end and hug you there.

I will never forget the kisses and the hugs you gave to me.

I will never forget the strawberry-tasting lips and the cigarettes you smoke.

I will never forget our memories, good or bad.

I will never ever forget you Jennie Kim.

Thank you for everything... I love you so much and... goodbye.

'Til we meet again.

---
🎶Headlights, on me (and even if I run away)
Racing to 60, I've been a fool (and give my heart a holiday)
Still, strawberries and cigarettes always taste like
Blue eyes, black jeans (you always leave me wanting more)
Lighters and candy, I've been a fool (I can't shake my hunger for)
Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you🎶

---

Your Cutiepie,
LALISA MANOBAN

~END