“Alex,” a small nudge to the shoulder accompanies mom’s soft voice, “Alex honey, wake up for me.” I blink my eyes open slowly. Mom is crouching above me. She shakes her head and hands me a towel before helping me up. “Go get dressed, I’ll clean up in here.” She gently pushes me in the direction of the door that connects to my bedroom. I nod and shuffle to my wardrobe and grab a pair of black skinnies and a Metallica t-shirt. I grab something to cover my legs with before pulling on my jeans. Mom walks into my room and pulls me into a tight hug. “Don’t ever scare me like that again Alexander William Gaskarth.”
“I’m sorry mom.” I mumble into her shoulder. “I couldn’t help it. The voices in my head told me to do it. I tried to block them out. But I couldn’t mom. I don’t want to end up like him.” I cry, my tears soaking into her sweater.
“I know hun. I know. And you won’t, we’ll get you help okay.” She rubs my head soothingly. “But that means going away for a while Alex. Are you sure you can handle that?” I feel safe with her arms around me. Like she’s my protector from everything. I know I can’t rely on her for my whole life. Or much longer. I’m almost a man.
“I can handle it mom but I have to do something at school first then I’ll go. Okay mom.” This is the first time I’ve talked to mom since that day and I can’t be sure that this will last. I separate from mom and pull my shirt over my head. “I’ve got to go to band practise for music. I won’t be out late.” I give her a kiss on the cheek and leave.
She doesn’t stop me, she would never stop me. Not from following my dreams. Being in a band has always been my dream. I grab my electric guitar and notebook before leaving. I borrow Mom’s car, placing my guitar across the back seat. I turn on the radio and put my seat belt on before starting the car.
As I drive down the road I see Jack walking with his guitar strapped to his back. “Hey do you need a ride?” I ask actually speaking to him. He nods stunned and gets in the car. He stares at me and says nothing the whole way to Zach’s place. It gets a little uncomfortable. I don’t like people looking at me. I turn the radio up louder to try distract my from the holes Jack’s eyes are burning into my skin, it doesn’t work. My skin burns and itches but I concentrate on the road.
I let out a deep breath as I pull into Zach’s drive way, Jack’s eyes leave me and the burning feeling fades. Zach and Rian emerge from the house with big grins spread across their faces. “Hey guys, come in.” Jack and I grab our guitars from the back seat and follow the two other boys inside. Zack closes the door behind us then leads us into a basement with his drums set up. There is a base amp and two guitar amps.
Jack pats me on the back as he smiles at me. “Ready Mr Singer?” I nod shyly and shift my eyes to the ground. Am I actually able to do this? I walk over to one of the amps and plug my guitar in. I strum a few chords to make sure it’s in tune. I smile at the result and lightly strum the first few chord of my song. “Play it through for us Alex with lyrics if you can.” I nod and move towards the microphone.
“Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye
it could be for the last time and it’s not right.
“Don’t let yourself get in over your head,” he said.
Alone and far from home I’ll find you…”
I continue on like this for the rest of the song like this while playing my guitar. I look at the roof not wanting to see the people watching me. I finish the song with the last cord and look at Jack who has his mouth hanging open. “Y-you can sing.” He stutters. I shrug and focus my eyes on the ground. I feel tinges shoot down my body as I am unexpectedly hugged from behind. I glace up quickly to see Jack’s head on my shoulder and his arms around my waist. My face heats up rapidly and I look at the ground again hoping he doesn’t see me blushing. Zach and Rian are quietly having a conversation in the corner of the room but I’m concentrating on Jack’s body pressed against mine.
I turn my head and look at him, a smile filling his whole face. It fades slowly as he looks deeply into my eyes. He starts leaning in and I start leaning in until our lips are connected. He slowly pulls away and looks away awkwardly, “Um, ah, I gotta go. See you tomorrow guys.” He stutters, his eyes never meeting mine, he doesn’t even look at me. He packs up his guitar and leaves promptly.
I sigh and sit down where I am and put my head in my hands. Zach comes up to me and places his hand on my back which I cower away from. It doesn’t feel right him touching me, not how it felt right when Jack was hugging me and kissing me. “Alex, what’s wrong?” Zach asks and I shake my head getting up and move over to my guitar case. I pack instrument away and wave to Rian, signalling to him that I too am leaving.
I blast Suicide Silence loudly the whole way to the cemetery. I like it here it’s quiet. I walk around for a bit before I get bored and decide to go home. I get home to find that I am home alone. Because that’s great for me with my mental stability problems.
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Sorry i haven't updated lately, i had some stuff i had to deal with. its not like many people read this anyways.
Dakota_Shy
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A Love Like War (JALEX)
FanfictionAlex has many problems. He has no one to help him, not his mom, not his father and not his brother. Alex has no one, can he get past his problems and get on with life or will he keep on relapsing back into depression?
