Don't Pass Me By // Mclennon

~ eighteen ~

Much later that evening, I began to walk home in the dark night from Paul's house. The bitter winter air nipped at my skin as I shivered beneath my thin coat. A slight drizzle began to pour down over my head, causing me to grip my jacket a little tighter.

The adrenaline from before still burned throughout me... it traveled everywhere, down to the very tip of my fingers. The anxiety from earlier when I saw Jane and Paul sitting next to eachother in the grass made my stomach turn. ...Does he really still have feelings for that bird? Will he ever tell her about us? These questions buzzed around my head and made me feel nauseous by the minute. All I want to do is walk up to her and tell her everything. Tell her how her precious boy kissed me, John Lennon, on the lips! How I could just-

"Hey! Not even gonna say 'hello', are ye?" Mimi asked as I walked in through the front door. I've already arrived at home and didn't even realize it! Must be too deep in my own thoughts... again.

"Yer home late again, too." She reminded me.

I gulped and exhaled quietly, making sure it wasn't too apparent how nervous I am.

"Did ye forget how to speak English then, John?" She asked sarcastically.

I gripped at the collar of my shirt anxiously, "Right... I'm sorry, I just... I lost track of time back at Paul's again and-"

"Paul, Paul, Paul, that's all ye ever talk abou'!" She snapped. What has gotten into her? Just because I'm late, again?

"He's goin' through so much right now, what choice do I have, Mimi?" I whined, "I mean... don't ye remember how I felt when Julia passed away? Back then, I only wished that I had a shoulder to cry on!"

Mimi's face was red with rage, but she held back her harsh words and clenched her fists, "Jus... go to bed, Lennon, I don't have the time to argue wi' ye. It's late."

"Ye... ye don't get it." I sighed, "I don't expect ye to, either; don't even think I get it. Paul and I are jus..." I shut my mouth before I said another word that would make it painfully obvious that Paul and I were anything more than friends.

"What is it?" Mimi wondered, "John-"

"I'm going to bed, Mimi, ...goodnight." I interrupted.

"John, ye better explain to me what the Hell yer on abou'!" She stood upright out of her seat.

"Jus listenin' to yer orders, ye know!" I sarcastically replied, causing her to become more frustrated.

"John Lennon! ...Listen to me right now!" She demanded.

Instead of shouting back, I simply rolled my eyes and stormed passed her down the hall way, slamming my bedroom door before flopping on to my bed.

So much has happened today, how can I even process it all?

What to do, what to do...

There's a whole mess infront of me and I have no idea how to fix it before it becomes worse.

Jane.

I'm so sick and tired of waiting around for Paul to end things with her, it's tearing me apart!

What to do...

I looked curiously at the loose paper pouring out of my rucksack and a pen conveniently placed on my nightstand. Ideas whirled around my head until...

No. Paul would murder me.

I can't. I won't!

But Jane.

"Fuck it! Like Paul will say anythin' to her anyroad... What other choice do I have?" I asked myself, sitting up off of the mattress slowly. "I mean... can he blame me for doin' this? Surely, he'd do the same thing."

I'm tired of waiting, Macca, I want you to myself, now. I mean, fuck, how many more people, how many more obstacles will I have to overcome before I can just... have you?

I grabbed a single piece of paper and flattened it over a maths textbook. Tapping the pen with my fingers, I contemplated how I could word such a note.

What would Paul say...

...

The next morning, I woke up wrapped in covers sprawled across my body. I threw myself forward and rolled out of my warm bed. I then walked over to my closet and changed into new, fresh clothes and got my supplies ready for the day.

Oh, right. Mimi. Is she still mad at me?

Guess we're about to find out!

I sleepily walked down the hallway and into the kitchen to find my aunt stirring a cup of tea by the table.

"Goodmorning." I forced myself to break the silence.

Mimi raised her brow as she looked up at me, "Mornin', ye sleep well?"

I chuckled a bit, "No, but s'alright. Guess I deserved it."

Mimi laughed as she sipped her tea. After a few moments of silence, she spoke up. "Eh, probably..."

"Listen, John, I'm real sorry abou' always... bein' so... worried abou' ye. ...I jus don't want ye gettin' hurt. I can't help but always assume the worst. Ye hardly tell me what's going on in yer life and, anyway, ...a boy shouldn't be out late at night, especially in the rain and-" She went on a huge tirade until I finally chimed in.

"It's alright, Mimi, I'm not too upset anymore." I groaned.

She sighed, "I've gotta leave soon."

"For what?" I asked nervously.

"My job. Down at the market." She replied hastily.

"Ye got a job?" I widened my eyes as I asked.

"I did. Shockin', innit?" She joked.

I nodded sarcastically. "I'm glad we're finally... makin' this place a home, ye know?"

Mimi smiled up at me and then headed back into her room without saying another word. I could tell just by her awkward mannerisms that she was still quite upset and nervous regarding me and what I've been up to, lately. Thinking about that made me feel a pit of guilt growing inside of my chest, but fortunately, I've got other things to overthink about, now.

That note.

How would I ever give it to Jane? Shit, I never think anything through, do I?! What, do I just slip it into her locker? No, Paul couldn't do that, he doesn't even go to our bloody school!

I could always just... hand it to her? To her face? Would that be convincing enough, though?

I bit my bottom lip as I exited my house and began heading down the damp street, still covered in rain water from the night before. Every foot I walked towards the school made me feel that much more reluctant to confront the bird.

But I want Paul. I can't sit around and watch him kiss and hug her. No, I need Paul more than anything right now. I'm willing to risk everything just to be able to call him my own. I told him i'd give him the world and I intend to keep that promise!

I gripped the paper tighter between my fingers as I made my way up those same stairs and through the crowded school corridors.