Don't Pass Me By // Mclennon

~ twenty seven ~

Blinking. Staring blindly at the ceiling, wrapped up in blankets on my lonely bed.

All I ever wanted... had the nerve to tell me that he didn't want me anymore.

No, I'm really not sure if we've broken up or not, but it was blatantly obvious to me that Paul was furious with my actions. I don't blame him. Either way, he hasn't spoken a word to me since.

How can I sleep? Or eat? With all of these troubles hanging above my head?

All I've been doing is sobbing into my bed sheets all day and I don't care who knows it.

This boy has made me softer than the pillows i've cried into. Though, after him sleeping in here with me, the covers feel like daggers to my skin.

I feel so blue, I don't know what to do with myself.

We've got another gig in just two days and here we are, acting like we hate eachother or something.

I've said it a million times before, but all I ask from you, Macca, is that...

You don't pass me by.

That's all, really.

I make a lot of mistakes, but they're all out of love. Hopeless love...

Maybe one day, you'll believe me?

"Maybe." I said to myself as I sat up off the mattress. "...But then, maybe not."

I wiped my face of the last bit of dignity I had left and walked over to my desk, which had my guitar leaning up against the side of it.

If I'm gonna be so down, I might as well make art out of it, right?

I didn't bother putting in my contacts today, so I just slipped my glasses on to my face as I positioned my fingers over the thin strings. I then opened up my journal and flipped to a half-finished song.

The words were sloppily written across the page and the corners were slightly torn or bent. Paul and I wrote the unfinished lyrics, but I reckon i'll just have to complete them on my own. So far, we only had the chorus written out.

"I've lost her now for sure.
I won't see her no more.
It's gonna be a drag; Misery.
I'll remember all the little things we've done.
Can't she see she'll always be the only one, only one?"

Isn't that ironic?

So, that's where I sat. Writing away and letting my thoughts and deep-rooted feelings take over. The hurt basically wrote the lyrics for me, I was only projecting them.

...

My hand felt like it was going to fall off my arm from jotting down so much. That was, until someone walked into my room.

I quickly spun around to see who it was, thinking for some idiotic reason that it'd be Paul, but I was soon disappointed.

"C'mon, John. Ye've been kept in here all day, now. What's the matter?" Mimi asked from the doorway.

My heart sank, "I'm fine. I've, uh, ...I've jus been writin'."

"Oh. ...What abou'?" Mimi asked, "I've never really seen yer writin' much, before."

My eyes widened, "What am I writin' abou'? Well-"

Mimi quickly stomped over to my desk and looked down on the papers laying infront of me.

"...May I?" She asked, picking up the page I was just writing upon.

"Right." I shrugged my shoulders, "Be my guest!"

She scanned the page and furrowed her brows as she did. She began to read the new lyrics out loud.

"The world is treating me bad; Misery.
I'm the kind of guy,
Who never used to cry,
The world is treatin' me bad; Misery.

I've lost her now for sure,
I won't see her no more,
It's gonna be a drag; Misery.

I'll remember all the little things we've done.
Can't she see she'll always be the only one, only one?

Send her back to me,
'Cause everyone can see,
Without her I will be in misery.

I'll remember all the little things we've done.
She'll remember and she'll miss her only one, lonely one.

Send her back to me,
'Cause everyone can see,
Without her I will be in misery.
In misery.
My misery."

"Um... John? Christ, what the Hell is goin' on wi' ye?"

I laughed, "What?! Somethin' the matter wi' me song? What a shame. I tried my best to-"

"No! It's jus that these lyrics are the most depressin' thing I've read today! Ye can't tell me there isn't anythin' wrong." She said as she crossed her arms.

"Oh," I took a deep breath and collapsed deeper into my chair, "It's Paul."

Mimi looked even more confused now, "Paul? These lyrics... are abou' Paul?"

My face went red, "...They are, yeah."

She looked over the paper again in slight disbelief, "Well, what happened?"

"I'm jus an idiot, per usual."

"I'm not shocked abou' that one." She joked.

I gave her a pouty look,

"I'm only kiddin'." She said softly.

"No, but it was my fault. I really screwed wi' meself this time." I admitted.

"Alright." She sat on my bed, "Explain."

"Ye don't really wanna hear my lovesick talk abou' a boy, do ye?" I sighed.

"John... It doesn't make any difference if it was abou' some girl... or a boy. At the end of the day, I jus wanna be here for ye. We're family, aren't we? For Christ's sake, I ain't that shallow!"

I smiled, "Well. I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to break up a relationship wi' lies, jus so I could get this boy. It worked for a little while, but ofcourse Paul found out and... he's left me. I don't know what to do now, Mimi."

"That's a very John thing to do."

"I know!" I laughed, "But I was desperate for 'im. Never felt that way, before, 'least never to such an extent. The whole thing was such a whirlwind. And now, I've got nothin'."

"Ye try ringin' him?" Mimi asked.

"Course not! I ain't gonna either."

"Boys." Mimi rolled her eyes, "Well, whenever ye muster up the guts... That's the first thing I'd do."

I sighed, "Thank ye for that. Who knows? Maybe I'll be stupid enough to try."

"It beats sittin' in this dreary room all day, doesn't it?" She joked.

Mimi then stood up and walked over to my door, "Dinner'll be ready in jus a few and ye should join me. Please don't keep yerself trapped in here all night."

"Love ye." She continued. "Also... I already knew ye two had somethin'. I aint dumb, ye know."

"...Love ye too, Mimi." Was all I replied with.

She left the room and I was alone, once again.

It did help to vent, though.

My gaze fell back on to the song I finished, I picked it up with my fingers and spoke to myself.

"God, I wish I could write."