Don't Pass Me By // Mclennon

~ twenty eight ~

I dragged my feet across the dirt of the road as I trudged my way to school. Ofcourse, if it was up to me, I'd be slumped in my bed.

Or maybe I'd be on a walk by myself to Penny Lake? Smoking a ciggie on the front porch?

Surely, I'd be doing something else. Anything is better than subjecting myself to whatever the fuck will happen today.

It was already obvious to me that today would be nothing short of hellish from the moment I left my house. Usually, Paul and I would meet about halfway to our school, but today... I'd be coming here alone. For reasons I don't think I need to explain.

Do I blame him for cutting me out of his life like he has? No, I don't. Does it hurt? Like you wouldn't believe.

I stopped walking for a moment and stared up at the sky. The bright sun blinding my tired eyes almost felt inappropriate to how I felt.

I don't feel very yellow right now. No, I feel blue. Deeply blue.

In frustration, I tossed my backpack down next to a tree before sitting down, "Man, fuck right off wi' this!" I lit a cigarette in my mouth as I was sat there with my knees slightly parted.

"I don't have to show up. I know exactly what'll happen the second I walk into that grotty place." I spoke to myself, "I can skip one day, can't I?"

Looking back up above me, I saw the sunlight shine through the leaves of the tree that blew whenever the wind was high enough.

"Ridiculous, this is. I can't believe I'm losin' sleep... over a man! What's goin' through my head now-a-days?"

"...Looks like I've gone mad, as well! Talkin' to meself and all." I muttered, flicking the ashes off of my cigarette next to me. "I've lost me mind to that stupid git..." I whispered.

Even though I speak about Paul with such a sharp tongue, even I know that he isn't just some man to me. He's my world. I can't deny that. Even if I really wanted to.

Once the cigarette was burnt out, I put the butt of it into my pocket before laying my coat out over the grass. I then laid across it and stared up above me. After puffing on that thing, I feel much more calm and collected.

I sighed before looking down at my watch, noticing it was nearly 7:30, now.

A nagging thought began to present itself the longer I stared down at the ticking on my wrist.

"What am I thinkin'?" I asked myself out loud, once again.

Reluctantly, I stood up off the ground and hurriedly gathered all of my belongings before dashing down to the school. I was so out of breath, but the adrenaline of being late really kept me going, I guess.

Practically bursting through the doors of the school, I tried to speed-walk my way to my first class. Prying eyes looked over at me with faces full of confusion. Guess the word about Paul and I might've spread already. Though I wanted to ask the groups of people what the hell was so interesting, there was no time for anything of the such. I'm sure i'll find them again later today.

I turned the knob of the class room door and walked in with my head held high.

"You're late, Lennon." The teacher's words immediately struck me.

"I am. Ran into a bit of traffic-"

"Just take a seat." He talked over me.

I raised an eyebrow as I plopped down into an empty desk between two birds. One of them eyeing me since I entered the room.

"Psst."

I turned to face one of the girls with green eyes and long, blonde hair, "What is it?"

"There's a rumor goin' 'round abou' ye." She smiled.

"I know, I know, listen whatever ye heard jus isn't tr-"

"People are sayin' ye were gonna cut class today, but... I guess ye decided against it?" She continued.

I swear my heart stopped beating for a moment when she said this, "Oh! Yeah, I did. Figured I better... jus get through the day, ye know?" I tried my hardest to sound cool and casual.

"I'm Cynthia, by the way." She whispered, "Yer John, yeah? New kid?"

"Guess I'm quite popular 'round here, somehow?" I asked.

"Eh... Somethin' like that. There's more than jus that rumor floatin' 'round, right now." She teased, "But don't worry, I don't believe a single word of that stuff."

I smiled nervously, "...Yeah, yer probably the only one who's got some sense in 'em, then."

She laughed quietly and turned back to her textbook at her own desk, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear.

I clutched a pencil into my hand, tightly, trying to calm the hell down from everything that's occuring. It's clear to me that people are talking about Paul and I being queer and it's spreading like a wildfire, apparently!

The entire time spent class was like pulling teeth with how boring it was. Most of it I spent doodling on my paper and grinding my teeth out of anxiety. Though I just wanted this class to end, when it did, I began to feel really sick.

The students, as well as myself, began to pour out of the classroom door and mix in with the teenagers in the crowded hallway. Many of them had their eyes plastered on me. I tried my hardest to ignore them, but it's such a drag to feel so insecure and worried. I had to say something.

"The fuck ye lookin' at?" I growled at a group of lads.

"Not much, in all honesty." One of the boys replied with a smirk.

"Piss off." I chuckled, but had eyes like daggers. "I don't got anythin' ye want."

A crowd slowly began to form around that boy and I. Looking around, I noticed someone in the group around us. Paul.

"Listen, ye fag, ye better be careful jus what ye say to me!" That boy snapped.

"Then keep yer eyes to yerself!" I laughed, "Damn."

The boy looked beside him and noticed Paul. I kept a close eye on him as he yanked at Paul's arm. "Better not cause a scene 'round yer boyfriend, John!"

"He ain't my boyfriend!" I glared, "Leave me alone, before ye wish ye didn't!"

Paul's arm was still being gripped by the angry lad, "S'not what everyone's sayin'! And don't threaten me."

Finally, Paul had enough of being caught in the middle of this drama. He pulled his arm away and stared at everyone surrounding us.

"We aren't a couple! We never were a couple! And we ain't ever gonna be a couple! If I was some queer, I'd atleast 'ave some taste!" Paul joked, causing some birds around him to giggle. "But I'm not. Sorry, John."

Hearing Paul stand up for himself made me happy, but the way he did it absolutely broke me.

I saw my chance and just stormed off down the hallway before any type of teacher saw such a scene take place. Tears stang in my eyes as I tried to brush everything off as some gag or joke.

But it wasn't some gag or joke, ofcourse. It was just painful.