Don't say sorry pt. 2

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So it's been a few weeks since he showed up at my front door - completely broken. That's what he was. And that's what he still is. The only difference is that he's now mine. Only mine.

Sometimes I wonder. When it gets hard I wonder. I wonder if he really loves me or if he's just in a place where he needs a shoulder to cry on. I wonder whether when this is all over if we're gonna stay together. Whether he wants us to stay together.

But other times. More often. I wonder whether he needs me more than I need him. I know he loves me. Ad I certainly know that I love him.

We've kept it quite lowkey since last time. But our friends and classmates have been amazing. They've both been great at keeping a distance when they could see it wasn't the time to interrupt. But they've also been great at keeping the relationship and the atmosphere between us and everyone else just like it always have been. They tease us like no ones mom was dying sick. They laugh with us like nothing was wrong. They all giggle whenever he holds my hand or just needs a hug seeming a bit more than just friendly. And last week at this party his mom had just had a very good consultation, and we decided to celebrate. We attended the party with the rest of the school. We drank. We kissed. We drank even more. We danced our buts of- And for once. For just a few minutes. Maybe a few hours. We forgot how our lives are turning out right now.

Today although wasn't great at all.- He was going to a consultation with the doctors and his mom, and his father but ended up arguing with his father about whether he was allowed to attend the consultation or not.

I was in school. In our first class. I texted him a few times, but with no answer, I took it as a good sign. I thought he was in the room with his mom and all I could do was wait for him to call me in the break. At the end of the class, someone knocks the door. The door to the classroom creaks open, and in he comes. He only peeks in and boy got I a deja-vu. His eyes were once again red from crying. And once again my heart fell to the bottom of my stomach. He looked at me and said "Y/N". His voice all croaky and broken. For half a second I was absolutely frozen in place. But at once it snapped and you jumped off your chair excusing yourself, not caring about the teacher and went outside the classroom. He broke down in your arms and a piece of me broke with him. He told me in short sentences about what happened. At some point, I could see that it was hurting him to tell me hence why I stopped him.

"Hey it gonna be ok"

"I promise"

" I love you"

I said.

"Your moms love you"

"Your little brother loves you"

"i .. i. I can't I don't-- i"

He was tired, worn out. Had there been anything I could do to take away the pain, I would have done it without a doubt.

"Hey, you love me, right? I asked him.

"Yes of c-"

"No, if you love then do me a favour"

"Anything"

"Don't say sorry. Don't say anything at all. Just relax and remember that you're surrounded by people who love and who support you"

"Then just relax everything is gonna be just fine"

"I promise"

He closed his eyes and soon after he fell asleep. I got the feeling that he hadn't been sleeping for days. Usually, he didn't really sleep when you weren't by his side, but he couldn't just leave home because of his little brother whom he loved to death.

A few minutes after I called his mom. And once again I calmed her down. Told her just like I told him that everything was gonna be okay and that I was there with him. She told me that she was more than thankful. She added in just before she hung up that his little brother was out of the house today. I cathed the cue and promised her that he would be sleeping at my house tonight. And that's what he did. When the bell rang and everyone came out of class he woke up took you in his arms and kissed you passionately before heading home to pack a small back. He picked you up from school and you went home. To love. To support. To live. And to survive life. Together. 

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