Subconscious

V

Let's talk about the education system. Actually, scratch that. I doubt that talking about it would ever make a difference anyway unless a  bunch of students has this full-blown rally in front of the Department of Education. Despite my lazy ass, I believe that learning something every day is not so bad. It's better to learn in school than not do anything at all. If you really don't want to attend school, you could always drop out and just laze around at home. But let's be real, the only reason we don't drop out of school is that despite the uncertainty of our future, we're still taking the gamble of working our asses off to earn money in the future. But we all have our personal reasons to deal with as well.

Take me for example, my reason for attending university is because I enrolled in a course for a reason. I could fail a few tests and assessments but as long as I don't repeat a course then I'm good. I don't need an additional $5000 in my student loans. Student loans are already something I know I would be struggling to pay off in the future. And I don't even know if I'll get a fucking job. Adulting is just great.

Don't get me wrong. I like being an adult but my mind is still not ready to mature yet. I know I'm still that same kid that I was 10 or so years ago. Probably the only thing that has improved throughout the years of growing up is the fact that I realized how dark and scary people could be while at the same time being kind and polite. Adulting makes you realize that you're a privileged mf and complaining every now and then about little things such as hearing you complain about the hours it takes to travel from one continent to the next is just ugh. What do you expect? To get from France to freaking New Zealand in 2 hours? Unless you have built the first ever teleporter then shut up before someone calls the waaaahmbulance. 

In reality, I am like that too. I do complain about little things most of the times then realize that someone is probably using candlesticks as a source of light while I struggle my ass wondering why the fuck is there no WiFi when I need to procrastinate my ass off because I hate math. 

Besides from money, I do have real struggles in life. I do suffer from PTSD and Schizophrenia. My mental illness was due to certain circumstances that I have experienced before. Unfortunately for you, I'm not ready to talk about this yet. Having mental health issues like this isn't something that you would spot on upon meeting me. When you do meet me, I'll just be like any other human being that you talk to in your daily life. Except for certain instances where I would be looking behind you or talking to nothing. Then I ask that you turn a blind eye to those instances. I might have seen certain things that you couldn't see- it's nothing paranormal. It's just my mind playing tricks on me. Literally.

Maybe you don't see mental health as a real struggle. That's fine. I completely understand why you would think like that. So let me give you another example I have in my everyday life. My parents call me a  "ひきこもり" or a Hikikomori. For those of you who don't know, people like me tend to isolate themselves from society. Basically, a modern-day hermit. 

In general, were the types of people who prefer to be locked in their rooms than go out and play and socialize with other human beings. Maybe you're thinking about the people I call friends. Well, actually, I was a hikikomori. I'm currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms from being severely socially isolated. Truthfully, I still find difficulty talking to people. I can be a bit squirmy and awkward every now and then but I try my best to actually interact with people now. Sometimes when I did do something embarrassing, I tend to overthink it and start locking myself in again. However, my family is overly concerned with my well being so the moment I take long days not going out, Jacinta or Juana would usually pick my stupid ass up and drag me outside. 

I learned the hard way of disobeying Jacinta's orders. If I become a stubborn piece of shit, screaming profanities at her for not wanting to go out and shutting myself in, she would immediately call Gale. Gale on the other hand, with his muscular built, would break the fucking door lock and enter by force and drag me out the room. I wouldn't say those times were fun. I would even say sharp things to them but they're understanding people so I am thankful. 

I do show my thanks to them by freeing my time to be with them because I believe that my time and energy is something important and precious. I would say that I am grateful to have them.