Introvert

24

trigger warning for homophobia.

'sometimes we ignore the flowers because they wilt, 

and because someday we will also, but we shouldn't.

the fact it comes to an end doesn't mean whilst it was happening

it wasn't the most precious thing in the world.' - Anonymous

||Shyanna||

Kristy's voice buzzes as it trills down the line. She's yelling, heady in fury over something her parents had said about Anna, and she sounds so broken in that moment I forget to be sad. My whole mind locks down onto the fact this beautiful girl is sad, and the fact she can no longer have Anna around her house because she's a 'dirty dyke'. Kristy is crying into my ear, and I have no way to fix her.

"He fuckin'-he fuckin' said she was flithy, a stupid filthy dyke who wanted to take my virtue and who was unworthy of my pure company. If they ever found out about me, I'd be dead. Shyanna, I'd never make it." Her sobs sound like shots to my heart. I feel my own pain float away as she screams, sobs and yells. Because this girl is hurting, and for once in my life I am not, and that is so, so scary. I wonder, now, how Kristy and Anna can cope with me when I get like this. And then I remember it's because they are used to it. I have become so accustomed to Kristy and Anna being strong I had forgotten that they are human. There might be scars in and outside of my body, but for Kristy, the cuts are fresh. And they won't stop bleeding until I do something. Anything.

"You can stay at mine." I respond, trying to stay calm even through the haze of red. How could anyone be that stupid, that repulsed by the way somebody wishes to love, and not even notice it? How could anyone be that oblivious to the truth; that gay, lesbian, demisexual, pansexual, bisexual people exist? How could anyone care that much?

"How would that help?" She sounds on the edge of angry, and I don't blame her. It was a pathetic excuse for help. But she's stopped sobbing for the moment, so I guess I can't have done too badly.

"Oh, it wouldn't. It wouldn't stop his hatred of Anna for being something that is natural when his hatred isn't. It wouldn't help at all, but it'd make you feel better, and that counts for everything. You girls, you've both helped me so much. The least I could do is make you feel less like you're walking on eggshells and more like the world is at your feet. Because it is, babe, even if you want to kiss Anna. Especially because you want to kiss Anna." It's not much, but I can hear her breath catch and know she understands the meaning. Just because you are gay, it doesn't mean you are worth any less. You are worth as much as anybody else, and if you want to have something with Anna? Do what you want with it. Because you deserve it. Or, at least, I hope she does. That's what I hope was conveyed at least.

"Shy," she whispers, and she sounds so scared, "can I ask something?" 

I feel my body tense, because I don't have the answers, probably. But if it helps her, if it makes her feel better, I will do anything. This girl is the world to me.

"Of course. Anything." I try not to wince at the vastness of that word. Anything. I can't stop the shudder that tremors through my fingers.

Kristy hums in a breath, sounding worried, and sad, and so, so pleading. I always thought humans were kind of bad at communication, but maybe that's just my fault. Maybe I don't talk enough.

But when she asks, I'm relieved. Because it's something I can answer well. And it's not something I could mess up.

"If I were to go to prom with her," she begins, and I feel a smile flit across my face, "you'd still like me, right?" This girl, I think, deserves so much more than to feel so ashamed about her sexuality.