Introvert

30

'see the sky turn bright,

see the tides run to the hills,

see me as I burn.' ~Anonymous

||Shyanna|| 

The day rises and falls, and by the time I'm sat with Kristy and Anna, there's energy buzzing under my fingertips. It's the first time I've seen them today, the first time I've had the opportunity to tell them about everything, and I'm suddenly wanting to keep it all inside of me. These thoughts are only further engaged in the way they're wrapped around each other, a cocoon of warmth and hopeful adoration. 

"My darlings!" I grin, and they both whip their heads around to face me. It's strange how identical they are, how similar their eyes look when shining with glee. It's a testament to how selfish I've been these past four years that I hadn't realized how well they slotted together.

They have stars in their eyes and a universe to travel, and I want to be upon the vessel that finally allows them to be who they are with no fear in mind.

"Shy, how are you?" Anna asks, pressing soft kisses to Kristy's shoulder and smiling softly. There's peace in her eyes, and I wonder whether Kristy told her about last night, if she knows about the way Kristy sobbed down the phone line. Whether she knows how much homophobia has burned into Kristy's skull or not.

"I'm good, actually, and I actually mean it." And all of a sudden, I can't contain it, I can't stand hiding. So whilst keeping everything hidden makes me feel very mysterious, I end up blurting out "Louis Tomlinson got beaten up and I cleaned him up and made Jade Oliver leave my eyesight and Niall flirted with me and then I snogged him in the English block and now I'm going to prom." And, well. Wasn't that a wonderful expression of how much Niall Horan has seared through me? How much his very presence makes my toes curl? I can't even use my extensive vocabulary where he's concerned. How wonderful.

Kristy and Anna sit there for a moment, digesting the situation, before Anna starts cackling madly, thumping her fists into Kristy's back. Kristy looks oddly defeated. 

"Twenty pounds, Kris! Twenty pounds! Oh, I am so buying you those lace panties we saw at Ann Summer's last weekend." Which. Makes actually no sense at all. What are they even talking about?

"Wait, what? What twenty pounds?" I query, and instantly Anna settles into a look of despair and guilt. Hmm. Suspicious. 

Her fingers reach up to knit themselves in her hair before she chuckles nervously, and my eyes narrow.

"Well, you see, when your friend has been as blindingly in love with Niall Horan as long as your friend has known you, you begin to enjoy the idea of them being together. This develops into full-blown 'shipping' which means-"

"I know what shipping means, Anna, I own a tumblr account. I just can't  believe that you bet on Niall and I getting together." And it's true -I actually can't believe they'd have put a bet on Niall and I getting together. To be honest, though, I'm more offended Anna thinks I don't know what shipping means. Like, that's so ludicrous. Everyone who has ever been slightly involved in a fandom knows what shipping is.

"To be fair," Kristy begins, giving a wry smile and chewing on a carrot stick, "we mostly did it for a running gag. We didn't really expect it to happen. Until the notes started appearing. And then we saw Zayn talking to Niall about them, and well. We didn't want to ruin the anonymity, so we kept hush hush about it all. It all worked out for the best, though, right?"

I stare, bewildered, at my two favourite girls in the world. Their smiles are reflective of what I've been hoping to attain for years -true compatibility and mutual respect- and for a moment, I'm blindingly, completely jealous. But then I remember that I've managed to finally do what I've been wanting to do for years, and happiness bubbles low in my gut.

Yes, I might be used to writing poetry, but that doesn't mean I'm used to feeling wanted. It's one of the best feelings I've experienced in years, regardless of the fact my friends have been secretive about their fandom approach to my love life -or lack thereof. Well. Lacking until today.

I make a vow, in that moment, to thank Niall the second I see him. He might only be a boy, but he's a lovely boy all the same. And that's the difference.

I apologize for the shortness of this chapter -especially after the wait. It's not even for a feasible reason, really, except that dragging it out would have made the story hollow in plot.

From here on out, there are going to be a lot of time-jumping scenes, but I'll mark them out as I've done with previous chapters. I hope it doesn't confuse anyone.

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