Deception

fifteen*

// there are no winners in real games //

A giddy smile creeps up my face at the mere thought of Brian and I messaging each other. Even though it's not the physical company like I had before with Georgia, it isn't too bad. Despite the fact that I prefer an actual person to talk to, face to face, this really isn't all that different. Besides, I have to appreciate what I have, even if it's something so little.

Today is the day we find out who wins the game.

My feelings are mixed with nervousness and a slight bit of excitement. "Someone's happy about school," comments Kris as she picks up the house keys and her purse. I follow her outside the house since we're going to school together. "Who is ever excited for school?" I deny, not wanting her to find out about Brian.

She doesn't push further, merely shrugging and changing the subject to something else. "So how's school, Cass?" Annoyance is obvious on my face at the thought of school. "Aren't you glad you don't have to study and deal with high school anymore?" I ask instead of replying and she laughs. "Work isn't all that easy as it seems, you know." I yawn.

School always makes me feel ten times more tired than usual. At least now I have something to look forward to in the day.

I sit on a bench alone during break as I quickly eat my sandwich. I fish my phone out to see if Brian has answered my question, one that I hope to be difficult. I don't want him to win, not really. I want to ask him a question and if I win this, I can finally know who he really is - and what his real motive is.

There is a small voice in the back of my head, telling me that I am over thinking this. Maybe he really just wants to be friends and there's nothing else to it. But another side of my brain is telling me to be more cautious about the situation.

Brian: Did you really think I can't answer that, Cass? Just because I'm a guy it doesn't mean I don't pay attention to things.

Brian: I know as a matter of fact that you hate salad and mushrooms, but you love oatmeal. Does this mean I win?

I curse silently under my breath. Why does he have such good memory? This means he wins the game, so he gets to ask a question. I wonder what he will ask. Deciding not to wait until I get back home, I type a short message, attempting to express my irritation perfectly at the outcome.

Cassidy: That means you win.

Cassidy: You get to ask a question now.

I go to my locker to get some books for the next lesson, taking extra slow steps just to delay time. Can the bell just ring already so I can get on with the day? I plead. As if my wish is heard, the bell rings signaling the end of the break. I take slow strides towards class, willing the day to finish as soon as possible.

It's the next day and I'm eager to find out what Brian will ask. Last night, he insisted that he take some time to think of a worthy question.

Kristiana overslept, something I am surprisingly glad about since I can open my messages without worrying she might be looking over my shoulders at any moment.

When I am in the library, my phone finally vibrates. I quickly open my messages, feeling impatient because of the long wait.

Brian: I'll be a gentleman, Cassidy. Why don't you ask me a question instead - even though you lost.

To say I'm surprised would be an understatement. I did not think that he would do something like this. I now have the choice of being humble or take advantage of this. I decide to go with the latter. What is there to lose?

Cassidy: I'll take it.

Cassidy: Who are you really and why are you doing this?

My question is blunt and simple. Straight to the point. I can only hope his answer will be the same.

//

It's not the biggest surprise that everyone has their own secrets. Even the people who seem so innocent. It's only a matter of how big, or how small it is.

There's nothing all that secretive about my life. There are, of course, the little ones. Like when Kris was 9 and she cried about her broken doll, it was me who accidentally broken it.

Not that anyone knew, of course. Mom and dad just assumed the pet dog we had at the time did it.

As I read Brian's message, my mind burns with the same question I have been thinking of for the past few minutes: What secret is he hiding? The answer he has given for my question is cryptic, making me extremely frustrated even though I should have expected it.

Brian: Even though the rule was one question I guess I'll answer both.

Brian: Tbh, even I am unsure about who I "really" am. I do know one thing though, sometimes people do things without a reason so maybe this is one of mine.

Brian: Maybe there is another reason I'm messaging you, besides wanting to know you better. But I am curious as to why you're writing to me?

Brian: This "thing" we're doing isn't something that you have to do, so if you have made the choice to do this why are you being so curious and cautious?

Our messages have always been playful and funny, but this one makes the atmosphere tense and uncomfortable. My left eye twitches after reading the last sentence once again.

I take in a deep breath before releasing it. Maybe both of us are thinking too deep into this.

"What are you doing?" I gasp in surprise at the sudden interruption. I look at the girl who, as if by magic, appeared beside me, wearing a quizzical look on her face. "Sorry, did I scare you? I was just wondering what you were doing here alone."

My lips are dry, my brain unable to think of a suitable reply. "I was just... waiting for someone." My tone indicates that I hope she won't pry. Her right eyebrow quirks up and glances at me one last time before turning her back and walking away. I let out a sigh of relief.

Human interaction really is not for me.

I keep my phone in my pocket and prepare to leave. My shoes make loud clicking noises as I step into the empty hallway, everyone else enjoying their time in the cafeteria. I cannot help but feel eerie because of the silence.

I think hard about the last sentence of Brian's message again - despite my efforts of not doing so. My facial expression hardens just thinking about it. I don't like how it makes me feel - how I'm questioning myself about my own motives.

Why am I doing it? Why am I messaging Brian, even enjoying it sometimes, even though I don't fully trust him? Am I really that desperate to have a friend, someone to talk to - or is it because I'm curious to know who he is and why did I do to attract his attention.

I hate this feeling. The feeling when you start questioning one thing but end up questioning everything else. It's the realization that there are so many things you don't know the truth to. I want to bang my head on the locker, the feeling of overwhelm too strong.

The bell rings loud and clear. It is a few seconds before students start piling in and heading to their lockers. I stand silently for a while, staring blankly at my locker. "Weirdo." I hear someone mutter as they walk past. I bite my lip, wondering if the person was talking about me. I shake off the thought, tucking my arms under my books and head off to class.

☯

Hey lovelies. Sorry this was a delay and all :( The chapter was kind of short too which I feel bad about but I promise the next one I write will be longer. Hope you guys enjoyed it though. Remember to leave a comment because trust me (and I mean, really) it brightens up me and Leah's day like crazy. :)

Love lots, Lacy xx