08/17/18
dear joon,
your comeback is near, and still nothing's happening. the only time i get to hear you is when you have an interview or an appearance in a tv show but as for now, there's nothing.
yoongi talked to me about taehyung. thank god taehyung opened up to him. yoongi said he'll do his best to help taehyung out. yoongi also talked to me about you. i know i should've kept it in me, but i needed someone to listen to me. i asked him how you are doing. he told me you were so happy and carefree these days and that you were so excited for the comeback. i'm so happy to hear that from yoongi, but why are we still not talking? have i done something wrong? am i being selfish?
whenever i try to talk to you, you cut it short by saying you're busy. i understand that, but your friends make me doubt us. taehyung opened up to me in a call. we talked for at least three hours. yoongi and i talked and it lasted for at least an hour. the longest time we had a conversation was two months ago and it went for twenty minutes. twenty minutes namjoon. i feel so unworthy of your time and attention. i'm not even asking for a long late night conversation. it all seems like i'm the only one who cares about this relationship.
we've been through this for two years. why are we drifting apart now? why can't we just do what we did before. is it too draining? tiring? annoying? i don't know anymore joon. i always try to understand everything, but please ask about what i think and feel.
i don't even know what to feel about this. i don't know if i should feel disappointed, hurt, angry, sad. i don't know anymore. i don't know anymore... i always cry myself to sleep because i miss you so much, i loved you so much that i didn't leave some for myself.
i'm still holding on, but i don't know if i still can. i love you and i miss you so much.
-n. sh
