It's What Mothers Do

6

You lay on the couch in your living room, book in hand and a bowl of oreo ice cream beside you. Lately that's all you've been craving. You distinctly remember waking up at two in the morning with an overwhelming want for the food, and thankfully your dad stocked up on all your favourites earlier on that week.

"Another bowl huh?" your mom asks with a chuckle, and you smile before taking another spoonful.

"Mhm, the baby loves it" you respond, placing your book to one side as your mom takes a seat next to you. "Did you have any cravings when you were pregnant with me?"

You watch as your mom thinks, her hand running through her long dark hair in the process. "Yeah actually, I really loved pickles. I mean I always have but with you, I made your father go out and buy me the really huge jars of them" she giggles, and you can't help but join.

Resting your head in your hand that sits perched on the couch, you feel your mind drifting to what could have been. What if Chris never broke up with you, and what if he actually wanted to be a part of this. Would he go out at God knows what time in the morning to buy you ice cream? Would he read stories to your unborn baby, kissing your belly?

"What you thinking so hard about baby girl?" your mom asks, and you release a deep sigh.

"Chris" you whisper, trying your hardest to get him out of your mind. Reading all your pregnancy books and leaflets doesn't help, especially when there's a picture on every second page of a happy family; mom, dad and baby. You can't help but feel like you're missing out on so much. "I just wish that he wanted this baby, I feel like I'm already failing as a mother because this baby won't have a father to look up to and protect her."

"Hey" your mom starts, shifting closer towards you as she takes one of your hands in hers, "this baby will have the happiest life, with or without a father. You are already the best mother Y/N. I mean look at you, you're reading up about breastfeeding and birth plans already. You're deciding what's best for you and this baby, and Chris is not part of that."

"Yeah but he-"

"No Y/N, he left you when you needed him the most and he clearly isn't mature enough to take on the responsibility of a child. Your dad and I will be here to help you through it all. And what baby needs a father like Chris when they'll have the most amazing grandpa to look up to?"

You wipe away the tears that are running down your cheeks as you take in your mom's words. She's right. You know that your parents will do everything in their power to give your baby the best life possible, and you hope to do the same. You're just scared that one day they'll resent you for not giving them a father. But you tried, you really did.

"You're right, it's just difficult that's all" you eventually reply, looking up at your mom as she smiles sympathetically at you.

"I know baby girl, but everything will be okay" she replies before gently kissing your forehead. Silence fills the room before she speaks up again. "When do you think you want to tell everyone about the baby?"

God. The thought sends you into a complete mental panic. You're not ready for all the questions and criticism you know you're going to receive. You already dropped out of public school, opting for online schooling which went great. You already managed to graduate way earlier than expected. One less thing to worry about before the baby comes. You haven't even told your grandparents or your aunts. Your friends don't know, but to be honest, they all dropped off the face of the earth once they heard about you and Chris breaking up. In their eyes you were no longer popular enough so why would they tarnish their reputation?

"I don't think I'll ever feel ready mom" you confess.

"You can't hide away forever sweetheart. You've been cooped up in this house ever since you started showing. Your grandma keeps asking to come visit." You momentarily close your eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Your mom is right. You can't live like some hermit for the rest of your life. People will find out eventually. "You are in control of how you want the world to know Y/N, whatever you want to do I'll support you. What I won't have though is you hiding away for the next five months."