Seven Lights: The Last

Geek Squad

I just bought Ni no Kuni and that's gonna distract me. :P

Chapter F-9: Geek Squad

Teach's cabin

"Ze ha ha ha! In a world of our own, I AM the Pirate King!" Blackbeard danced with a cherry pie in hand. Piles of treasure filled his cabin. "One Piece this, One Piece that, that magnificent treasure is NOTHING compared to what I found!"

"My, you seem ecstatic today." Teach turned when Xehanort appeared from a dark portal. "You should be on guard. One of the Seven Lights is supposed to be coming here."

"Bill already told me. I'm actually excited to meet her! Sheila Frantic..."

"I'm also curious about this Light. In my home universe, there are Seven Princesses of Heart, whose hearts are overflowing with light. I wonder if these Lights are the same."

"Then feel free to watch if you wish. The kids should be arriving soon. Hopefully they won't be destroyed too easily—the spectators will be disappointed!"

Paradox Space

Sector V was flying through a region of enormous waterfalls, pouring into the Galactic Sea. Haylee drove the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. close to the falls as Sheila stuck her hand out and let it brush across. "Mates, the outer space in this universe is LOADS better than the one in our universe! Who wants utter blackness with little white dots, Arceus shoulda decorated it more! I mean, he did with this place!"

"It's fantastic and all, but if your planets were this close to this much rushing water, it would feel pretty unsettling. And noisy." Haruka inferred.

"How will we even know what Treasuria looks like?" Mason asked, staring boredly out the window. "That Terezi chick didn't make a very good drawing."

"Well, you could tell it was a treasure map drawing, couldn't you?" Haylee replied.

"That's not the point! What, we're supposed to look out for a ginormous treasure map?"

"Uhh, there's a very good chance at that. Hee hee!"

"Come on, this universe can't be THAT weird."

"Dude, there's a giant freaking treasure map. Outside." Harry stated.

"You're kidding."

"He's not, Bro." Haru smiled.

Indeed, they were nearing a gigantic treasure map with drawn landscapes, lines, sun, and clouds. The big label at the top read TREASURIA. Haylee expected her ship to pierce a hole in the massive piece of paper, but upon passing it, the map became three-dimensional. The islands, sea, and sky acquired a natural color, and pirate ships sailed every corner of the map. It was a pirate paradise that Sheila was overjoyed to see.

Their arrival was noticed by Captain Teach via a telescope. "They're here! Time for a surprise landing!"

His sniper, Van Augur, was perched on a crow's nest, aiming at the bus's engine from afar.

"MOVE aside." Augur was pushed off by Braig, Xehanort's henchman. "That second eye will distract you." He locked his Arrowgun on the engine and took the shot.

"AAAH!" The kids screamed as the ship rattled. "What just hit us?!" yelled Artie.

"I don't know, but it's in critical condition." Haylee said. "I'm landing on that island."

The bus was forced to make a crash-landing on the beach of a small island. The kids decided to step out for some fresh planet air. Haylee yanked a pink arrow out of the engine. "This looks like something Fybi would shoot. Anyway, me, Artie, and Harry can fix it in no time. You guys should start looking for these 'IDA' people."

"HEAR ME, TREASURIA!" Sheila called. "I am Sunny-Fist Sheila, and I am the queen of ALL pirates! Just thought I'd let ya know, seein' as I'm about to conquer you." She cracked knuckles.

A second later, the pirate ships began to bombard their beach with cannonballs. "AAACK! Dang it, Sheila, why'd you have to piss them off?!" Haylee screeched.

"I didn't know they'd be that sensitive!"

"They were probably against us from the start!" Chris said. "I guess I'll just stay back and help guard the ship."

"Me and Haruka will look in that region, Sheila and Mason can go that way." Aurora decided.

"Be sure to knock 'em dead, Sheila!" Haylee cheered.

"Oh, Ah can't do that, mate. Then there'll be no one to admire me!" She smirked.

"Don't go without your first mate!" Mason announced. (Play "A New Venture" from Sonic Rush Adventure!)


Stage F-6: Land of Maps and Treasure

Mission: Find the IDA's ship!

Sheila and Mason jumped across a series of floating barrels, being wary of the ones that would be destroyed by the cannons. When they made it to the last barrel, a cannonball splashed behind and flung them toward the nearest ship. Cutlass Guys burst out of barrels and began furiously attacking the kids, Sheila quickly dodging and countering with Light Fists. She knocked three Shy Guys off the deck with one kick, then spun a large Light Fist to squish four more flat. "Sheila, watch up!" Mason yelped—they danced to dodge the bullets of a Snipe Guy on the crow's nest.

"I'll punch his eyepiece in!" Sheila ran up the mast, maneuvering left or right to avoid the bullets, and once up top, she punched the Guy's gun into his face and sent him falling. The Shy Guy dropped a Catch Card, and the girl inside it was Mey-Rin, a British maid with dark-magenta hair in pigtails and big glasses that hid her eyes. "OHH thank ya so much for savin' me, it's been REAL 'ectic where Oi've been, yes it was!"

"Oi, it's been 'ectic for me 'ere, too, eh?" Sheila replied. "But 'ey, Ay've got a hankering to be walloping some pirate booty!"

"OI, that sounds like a roight good time, a roightio good time indeed, yes it do, wakka-wakka!"

"What's wrong with you?" Mason asked.

"I took some BAD SAUS-ages, yes some bad SAUS-ages I did ate, yes sir indeed sir, yes sir I DID!" Mey-Rin answered.

"Argh, I 'ate bad sausages, I mean I ate some AND I 'ated 'em, you betcha I did, it's true!" Sheila followed.

"Truer than a truth-telling bottle o' truna fish-"

"UGH, gimme that!" Mason swiped the card and stuffed it in his sweater. "Focus, Sheila!"

"Orright then! I say we give that harpoon a li'l spin!" Sheila ecstatically hopped onto the giant spear, and Mason asked no questions as he joined his captain. The harpoon FLEW across the sea and pierced the hull of a distant ship. Barrels rolled around uncontrollably, forcing Sheila and Mase to make careful jumps. They hopped up some stairs and countered Barrel Spider Heartless, which could be destroyed in one belch of Mason's Gas Bomb. The kids climbed a rope ladder up to the deck and were swarmed by three Mega Chatots – their tails looked like treble clefs and the blue feathers were red.

The parrot Pokémon screeched sonic waves to harm Sheila's raccoon ears, followed by a strike with their talons, but she ducked and used a Light Kick on the first Chatot. Mason used his bending to force Purple Flurp into the parrots' mouths and trap them in a burping trance. Sheila grabbed them each in her Light Fists, whirled them around, and slammed them against the deck.

The world began to tremble under the force of an earthquake, so powerful that chunks of the sea sprouted up like cliffs. "Uh-oh! This ship's going over, Sheila!" Mason cried.

"I reckon it's time to scale some tidal waves!" Sheila whipped out her Keyblade and cast a charm on her feet to make them shine with light. "There! Now I'll be light enough to walk on waves, but not too fast to see anything. Grab hold, Mason!" Sheila grabbed her friend's wrist and leapt off the boat, skidding across the water and jumping up the liquid cliffs. Mega Blastoise stuck their cannons out of the walls and blasted strong jets that Sheila was quick to evade.

The kids raced between an oceanic trench where Mega Sharpedos sped up to attack them. Sheila had to release Mason and use giant Light Fist to keep them at bay, socking the sharks in the teeth. They each took three strong hits before they conked out, tiring Sheila, but she retained her strength in time to save Mason, who was struggling swimming in these currents. There was a gap in the left trench wall with a Catch Card in a bubble. Sheila Wall Jumped up this gap to snatch the card. The card contained Maui, a large, tan-skinned man with lots of tattoos. "Wow, rescued by a little girl again? What's wrong with you, Maui..."

"Hey, it's okay to say, 'You're welcome.'" Sheila remarked, putting him away. At the end of this ocean trench was a humongous pirate ship with a wall of cannons. The cannons fired Missile Bills that homed in on Sheila with devilish smirks. "Hop on, Mason." She threw her friend up on her shoulders and used her keen agility to hop up the Bullet Bills. Now that she was on the deck of the ship, she could set Mason down and massacre the band of Heartless Pirates with light. Mason sat down and had a drink of soda, watching her slay the Heartless without trouble.

With the deck open to exploration, Sheila went about and destroyed boxes and barrels that held nothing important. The two ran to the keel where a rope sloped all the way up a mast. Sheila held Mason's hand and raced up the rope with excellent balance. They got atop a pole, and from there Sheila could jump and tail-glide to a rope hanging from the top of the center mass. (Mason had his own means of gliding, but not in polite company. ;P) From this top, the two could grind down a rope stretching across the sea and ending on a buoy. More buoys composed this part of the sea.

"Aye, Mason, Ay say this place is good for a swim. Will ya join me?" Sheila jumped in the sea and began the swim, so Mason happily joined.

The Jaws music played as a blue shark named Snacker swum after them. "Sniff, sniff. Snacker smells tasty raccoon treat."

"Yipe! Sheila, jump on that bobby thing!" Mason pointed at said "bobby thing" (a buoy), and they made it onto it before Snacker could dine. (I mean snack. Otherwise he'd be Diner. :P) The shark hungrily circled their platform. "Ugh, he won't leave. But this will make him!" Mason crouched, aimed his rear at Snacker, and farted weaker Gas Bombs. Wincing at the stench, the shark retreated. "Haha! Sheila, you ever think about shooting Light Balls this way?"

"Mason, why did we ask the author to cut my poisonbending?"

"I know..." The two continued swimming from buoy to buoy, with Mason having to fart Gas Eggs whenever Snacker attacked. There was an even farther buoy with a Catch Card on it, so the kids took a moment to catch breath and made the risky swim, using tail propeller and farts to go faster. They reached the buoy before Snacker could bite Mason's feet. The Catch Card contained a red squirrel in a blue shirt named Conker.

"Ooo, another squirrel!" Conker smiled. "Wait..." He frowned. "Oh, no, those are way too small. You must be 14 or somethin'."

"Ah'm a raccoon, ya dingo." Sheila snapped, giving the card to Mason. They swam back to the main buoys and made it to the final one. A huge submarine surfaced in the distance and launched Torpedo Teds. The kids skipped across the Teds like they were playing Hopscotch. The hull of the submarine was slippery, but Sheila moved her feet fast enough to get them on top. Hearty Wrenches (Heartless Rocky Wrenches) popped out of holes and quickly hurled their namesake tools.

After Sheila took her time destroying the Heartless, another earthquake rumbled the world. "WAAAAAH!" They gawked when a group of ships burst out of the sea and threatened to crush them. Sheila imbued her feet with light again and performed terrific leaps from ship to ship, and Mason cried as he flailed from her arm like blowing laundry. This dangerous route was bringing them to the largest ship of all, raising black sails with a three-headed skull. The Sunny Fist landed on the sea and dashed across the surface, sidestepping to evade Sharpedos.

"Hold your lunch, Mason! It's gonna be a bumpy landing!" She spun her tail and took flight, the wind rushing past as they soared over the ship.

"Whoa..." Mason wasn't expecting what they saw: the ship was a sailing stadium, and the stands were filled with roaring, drinking pirates.

"Blimey, it's some sorta show! Let's see if we can be part of it!"

"Good idea, Sheila! By using reverse psychology, maybe we won't turn out to be part of the SHOOOOWW!" They went in with a nosedive, and Sheila brushed along the floor of the arena before forcing her sandals against it and skidding toward the edge of the moat. (End song.)

"ZEE HAA HAA HAAAAA!" A chubby Pirate Emperor roared from his throne booth. "What an entrance, WHAT AN ENTRANCE! Lasses and mateys, introducing the star of this show, the main attraction: the Sunny Fist Sheila Frantic!"

"Reverse psychology backfired." Mason moaned.

"Bloody hell! This world knew my name faster than I did!"

"Sheila, it's him again! It's Blackbeard!"

"CORRECT! I am Marshall D. Teach, the Pirate King BLACKBEARD! Conqueror of over 100 pirate worlds! These people are my loyal subjects! I promised them all a land where they could sail free and HERE WE ARE! Captain Barbossa, Captain Hook, Captain Blackeye, Blackbeard from the Caribbean Dimension, Blackbeard from Never Land, Blackbeard from the Xiaolin Realms, Blackbeard from the Assassin's Creed Dimension—wow, I'm really popular. Ahem, throw in the other contestants!"

"OAF!" "OW!" Chris, Aurora, and Haruka were tossed in the ring by a huge, muscular Mexican wrestler.

"What a pathetic little crew she has!" Jesus Burgess grinned evilly.

"Guys?!" Mason questioned their being here.

"We got jumped by a blue-haired guy in a cloak." Haruka explained.

"Aurora called me, but when I tried to save them, that Mexican guy got me." Chris followed.

"Behold, my scallywag subjects, for these children believe to be the heroes who can defeat the invincible Lord English! Are they truly worthy of their hype?! Only this battle royal will tell! Because IF they don't battle, they get to watch one of their own get SQUASHED!"

"What does that mean?!" Aurora shouted.

Xehanort appeared from a dark portal, holding a handcuffed Kirie Beatles. "KIRIE!"

"That's playing dirty, ya fat pile of DOG MEAT!" Sheila snapped.

"Oh, you don't know two-thirds of it!" Teach smirked. "So, will you fight?! Or should I kill her RIGHT NOW?!" He raised a Tremor Fist above Kirie.

"NO!!" Chris screamed. "WE'LL FIGHT!"

"YEH, JUST SAVE YOUR FISTS FOR ME!" Sheila yelled.

"Ze ha ha ha! I just knew you would agree! All right... send in the first fighter! Hailing from the Funtom Dimension, he's a talented butler of the Phantomhive Manor, Black Butler Sebastian Michaelis!"

A man in a black attire with smooth black hair, complimented by sharp red eyes stepped into the arena. "A butler? Seriously?" Chris smirked wryly.

"I'm no mere butler, dear boy." Sebastian spoke charmingly. "I'm simply one hell of a butler."

"You're simply a waste of time!" Sheila shot a Light Sphere, but Sebastian zipped up and punched her across the ring.

"Sheila! Grrrr!" Chris punched fire fists, but Sebastian easily dodged and jabbed fingers to blast him away as well. "That's it!" He went Combustion Fury and rocketed for the butler, throwing punches that he evaded, but then Sebastian grabbed the flaming fists and pushed with equal force. Chris shot quick Heat Vision and burned Sebastian's eyes, then he carried the butler up, burned like a comet, and CRASHED him into the arena floor. Chris bit Sebastian's neck with sharpened teeth, punched him rapidly, then kicked him across the field with a flaming boot.

"CHRIS, calm down!" Aurora touched him with icy hands and steamed Chris's fire. "Don't lose control!"

"Oh, my..." Sebastian weakly stood up. "It seems I'm not the only demon here. How very... interesting." He smiled. "I concede from this match."

"WHAT?!" Teach shouted. "Now, wait just a sec! If you want your master returned in one piece, you give us a battle worth the berries they paid!"

"Oh, who are you trying to deceive? I overheard your cohorts saying that you lost all your cards. I shall seek out my master now. It was an honor to entertain you." Sebastian leaped out of the arena as though he were flying.

"Siiiigh..." Teach pinched his nose bridge. "Bane, Burgess, get in there!"

"WIIIIIHAHAHA!" The Mexican wrestler who caught them jumped in with a smaller Mexican wrestler with green pipes in his back. "You must think I'm a JOKE, ordering me to break children, Teach!"

"BREAK THEM!" Bane and Burgess charged in, so Chris and Aurora combined their powers, became a torpedo, and drilled into Burgess' chest.

Mason distracted Bane by flying his soda cans at him, prompting Bane to chase while Haru jumped on his back. "This is a weird contraption." she said, observing the pack connecting the toxic pipes. "I hope this isn't too hazardous." Haruka broke the pipes, and when Bane stopped and tried to reach her, she stuck her fingers in his neck to implant her antibodies.

Burgess punched down at Aurora, who dodged and froze his fist to the ground, then Chris rocketed against his face twice. Sheila grabbed Burgess' head with giant Light Fists, pulled him against the floor, then Chris and Aurora flew high above and stamped the back of his head with fire and ice heels.

"COME ON, Burgess, you're stronger than that!" Teach yelled. "Are you letting these brats make a joke out of you?!"

"Agh... these kids are... stronger than they look."

"You BET WE AH!" Sheila cheered. "Come down here and SEE how tough I am!"

"That's it, new rule you brats! All of you but Sheila get out of the arena! We'll see just how strong you are!"

After the kids complied with his demand, 10 Anti Guys and 10 Amazy Dayzees charged into the arena. Sheila faced up at the sun and spun her arms, shining wheels of light, and as she zoomed around the field, a trail of these light wheels was left in her wake. She halted, grabbed her Keyblade, and directed all the wheels into the powerful enemies. They were still standing, so Sheila formed two giant Light Fists and batted them off the ring.

Twenty Mega Raichu scampered into the ring, lightning bolts all over their sparking bodies. They all struck lightning at Sheila, but she caught it all on the tip of her Keyblade, a ball of energy growing from it. "EAT YOUR OWN SPARKS!" She fired a powerful beam and blew all the Raichu against the wall. "Grrrr, this is really pissing me off, Blackbore!"

"Ze ha ha ha ha! You're amazing, Sunny Fist Sheila! It's clear that these clowns are beneath you! You'd be an excellent addition to my crew. Why don't we stop this petty battle and I'll take you on an adventure through the multiverse? We'll be the ultimate crew, unstoppable! So many new things to see, for the rest of eternity we will sail! It's what you want greater than anything, isn't it?!"

"Are you bonkers, mate? I'll go on me OWN adventure through the multiverse before I go with you! And I'll take all me mates, too!"

"Oh, I think not, Sheila. A strong captain like you must have a strong crew to serve her! And little weaklings like this brat make you look pathetic!" Teach stomped toward Kirie.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T HURT HER!" Sheila fumed.

"I'm a liar, Sheila, ALL pirates are liars! ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MATIES?!"

"YAAAARRRR!" roared the audience.

"A show isn't exciting unless SOMEONE DIES!" Blackbeard raised his Tremor Fist above Kirie, who shut her eyes in terror.

At the speed of light, Sheila zipped up to Teach's throne and PUNCHED him down to the arena, his blubbery body bouncing three times and denting a crater with each. "YOOOOOOWCH ouch ouch ouch!" He rolled around desperately to shake the pain off.

"YUH!" Sheila ripped off Kirie's cuffs. "You orright, Kirie?" She smiled and nodded. "Good! Now if ya'll excuse me." She jumped back to the arena. "Why don't we give these blokes a REAL show?! A feisty little sheila sockin' the jaw out of a walrus, they'll laugh their false teeth off!"

"Ze ha ha! If that's how you want to play, Sheila! Let's see how much you TRULY resemble Straw Hat! I'll let my mateys handle your crew!"