Baby Steps (Gandrew)

Start Over

Garrett

After we'd broken up I'd kind of spiraled a bit, but with Shane and Ryland by my side, I think I  turned out okay. Shane had reminded me to eat, Ryland had reminded me that I had a razor and to use it and I'd submerged himself in a rigorous self-care ritual, my way of coping in a somewhat healthy way. And although I would go a few days without eating I'd snap out of it, Shane would yell at me and make me eat with them. We'd all three gone to the mall one day and Shane demanded Ryland style me. I'd gone along with it, what was the worst that could happen? I'd actually ended up liking the look Ryland had put together, and generously, Shane had paid for it. Garrett had protested at first, he couldn't put that on him but Shane had insisted. "Sometimes we need help, Gar." Shane made me come over every day, whether I wanted to leave my house or not. Shane had seen me this way before, and he wasn't going to let me slip anymore is what he'd said. He'd tried to set me up on a date, but I'd refused completely. I wouldn't even look at another guy.

"So, I think I'm going to text Andrew."

"I don't know Garrett... are you sure it's a good idea?"

"I don't know."

"I just don't want you to get hurt again, you're doing so good."

"I miss him, Shane, like a lot. And we broke up over a stupid fight, one I started!! I should've believed him... I was being a dick."

"Agreed..."

"Shane!"

"You said it, not me!!" I shrug, he was right and I had been a dick to him that day. It'd been the hardest thing to understand about this whole process, you'd think I'd treat Andrew like royalty considering he was the literal guy of my dreams. I'd spend countless nights hating myself late into the night, crying my eyes out not knowing why everything had gone to shit. Why had I let little things get in the way of being with the love of my life? Andrew had been right to break up with me that night, he may have even saved our friendship to be quite honest. Weeks had gone by and the sting from the breakup had gone, when Shane had told me he was picking Andrew up at the airport I'd jumped at the chance to go. We'd already agreed to hang out when he got back, so I prayed he wouldn't mind seeing me sitting in the back of the car. He hadn't seemed to mind, a little surprised, but not unhappy. The night had gone well, and things were beginning to go well. And then I accidentally brushed my hand against his thigh, I heard him gasp and I'd apologized, not sure how he'd take it. He'd just smiled and gone back to the conversation. The second time I did it was on purpose, I wanted to hear that little gasp again. It was hard not to stare at him the entire night, even just off of an airplane he still looked beautiful. His hat hair really suited his tired eyes, and wrinkled t-shirt, a king in my eyes. Our conversation in the car kept me up at night, my question ringing in my ear every night. Would we get back together? If I had anything to do with it the answer would be yes. I wouldn't pressure though, I'd let him come to terms with what he wanted. I'd be easy this time, a firm constant in his life. He would be able to count on me for whatever he needed, whether it was a friend or more than a friend. I'd go about it casually, building up our friendship and banter was the main thing. If I could do that I knew we'd be just fine

"Anyways, I asked him if he thought we'd get back together or not." Both of Shane's eyes grow wide,

"What did he say after you said that?"

"He said 'if we figured things out'..."

"But what does that mean??" I shrug, popping a Cheezit into my mouth. Shane rolls his eyes at me, snatching the box away. "Garrett. These are for the trip."