Reylo One-Shots

Enemy of Mine

~~~~~Kylo~~~~~

I close my eyes while taking in deep breaths to try and bring myself back to normal, or as near to normal as I can possibly get. All I hear around me is consoles beeping, wires sparking, metal melting and the hurry of officers leaving the surrounding area as quickly as they can. I open my eyes and I look around at the damage I've caused. Another control room destroyed by my anger. It's not the first one I've ruined and I doubt it will be the last. I glance down to the lightsaber still ignited in my hand. I run my finger over the hilt and watch as it deactivates then I clip it back onto my belt. I take one last deep breath then walk over to the panel on the wall next to the door and call for a clean up crew. I can just imagine what Hux will say about it this time. Not to me or anyone else of course...... he wouldn't have the guts to speak out loud the way he does in his head. If only he knew I can hear every one of his thoughts. 'Childish temper tantrums' he calls them. But they are not. Maybe they use to be but it's not that anymore.

I walk through the ship making my way back to my own quarters. I see no one. The immediate vicinity is deserted and the only sound I hear is my footsteps banging off the cold steel floors. It's probably for the best that there are no troopers or officers around. The anger is still inside me cursing through my blood. Right now I wouldn't hesitate to end them. I've gotten rid of some of the rage but not all of it.

I reach my quarters and as soon as I enter I lock the door behind me and before I give in to the urge to trash the place I throw my saber across the room and watch it land on the bed as I lean back against the door. I sink down to the floor and wrap my arms around my legs resting my head on my knees. I'm struggling to cope right now. This is a difficult thing for me to admit, even to myself but it's the truth. This was not how it was meant to be. She should be here.

Even just thinking about her now makes me clench my fists and my body starts to tense up. I need to find a way to calm myself down as soon as possible. I stand up and start to pace the room hoping it will release some of the frustration. There isn't as much space in here as I would like but if I go back out into the corridor then it's game over for whoever is idiotic enough to approach me first.

As I pace the room a long forgotten memory pops into my mind. It stops me dead in my tracks and I play it over and over again in surprise at seeing something I thought was locked away forever. Hidden away never to be seen again. It's a memory of me as a child being consoled by my mother after one of the many 'anger attacks' I was prone to have. My mother presented me with a notebook and a new pen, not as fancy as my once treasured calligraphy set but still very nice, and she set me a task. The next time I felt one of my 'attacks' coming on instead of acting on it I should try and write everything down. "Sometimes it just feels good to get everything off your chest, lessen the load" she told me. "And no one has to read it if you don't want them to ........ you can throw it away, tear it up or burn it, whatever you want" she smiled. "Just try it for me please. You never know it may help".

I smile to myself at the fact this memory has appeared now just when I need it the most. I suppose I could try it. At this point I've got nothing to lose. I walk over to my desk and open the small drawer to the left side and bring out a few sheets of paper and a pen. I sit down and run my hand through my hair with the pen poised in my other hand ready to unleash all the venom inside.

Why? I don't understand why. This is what angers me the most. I offered her everything .......... the end of the war, the whole damn galaxy and me. My hand was right there reaching out to her. Pleading with her. All she had to do was take it and we could have forgot the past and started a future but she didn't. And I'm angry, angry that I put myself in that situation in the first place. The whole 'no attachments' thing makes perfect sense now. She came into my life and for the first time in so many years I wasn't alone anymore and then it was gone and I'm more alone now than before if that's even possible. I got a small taste of what I could have then it was taken from me. I have no one here. There is no one I can talk to or spend time with. They all fear me.