Some people merely adopt darkness, but she was born into it.
Hiding every gloomy secret, covering all the lies, she walks through the life devoid of all emotions.
They all labeled her, those silly people, if only they had stop for a moment and obs...
❝She needs time, like we all do. Time to be okay with being okay. Because, feeling right after feeling wrong for so long, is the hardest thing to get used to❞
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Insecurity was not something I was ever familiar with, because simply I had taught myself not to care about whatever I do or people and their opinion. Insecurity that eats you away and forces you to feel the need to be perfect, I was not familiar with it.
But insecurity is definitely what that punched me straight into my stomach, making it feel sinking, when I saw him talking to her.
It was not that insecurity that would make me angry just thinking about some other girl with him or anxiety that he would leave me for someone else.
No, this insecurity was something entirely different and not just lack of confidence.
He looked breathtaking as always sitting there with his teammates and other college students with a beer bottle swinging in his hand, engrossed in a conversation with her.
I always admired girls, their looks and never held back in telling them that and hence, she too was gorgeous.
With her flawless night skin and curly hair she was breathing charm. Her perfect smile dipping on her cheeks forming cute dimples and she wore a basketball jersey with a pair of ripped jeans.
Together they looked so.. perfect , completely absorbed in their talky little bubble of basketball, both of their passion.
And that's where insecurity struck me. He deserved to be with someone like her, charming and funny just like him. Sharing the same interests and goofiness.
Chugging down the last gulp of vodka, I slammed in on the table and again, looked at them. His smile was almost heartbreaking yet fixing it back together.
Too perfect. He was too perfect.
I was always told that all my life, I had done nothing but destroy. It was not easy to forget that, after all. I had destroyed someone's happiness, a family, an innocent's life and... an angel, how could I forget?
And in between all that mess, somewhere I destroyed myself too.
and that is the exact reason why I don't want him to be with me. He didn't know what he was signing up for or the worse, he would not even want to be with me himself, when he'll come to know.
He didn't know that I had a past in me, that I did not buried properly and some nights, it comes back right all the same. Tearing me apart with it's weapons, the tragic memories or that addictive regret.
There are some nights where I even couldn't bother to handle myself, to pick me up, then why should he?
I didn't want to destroy him.
I always wondered how many times the same thing can break your heart? Your mind and your soul?
