i was scared of a heart i couldn't silence

All you never say

song inspo- all you never say by Birdy
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She watched as he spun her around, the girl in question throwing her head back and laughing with not a care in the world. Kaycee ran her finger around the rim of her cup, pretending her heart wasn't slowing breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. Her friends watched her; half with sympathy and half with pity. They knew. They knew she'd rather be anywhere but here, celebrating her best friend's birthday.

This would be the first year she wouldn't be the one at his side while he made a wish on his candles. She wouldn't be his first hug, first gift opened, first phone call as the clock struck midnight. It would be her now, and Kaycee had to find a way to get over it.

The worst part is that she couldn't even find one thing to hate about the girl. She was pretty, the polar opposite from her with gleaming blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Her laugh was infectious; she had the room in the palm of her hand. That used to be her, but she couldn't fault her friends. Aria was a new fixture in their lives, and they hung off of every word. She would've too, if she wasn't in the position she was in.

What Kaycee didn't know was that her friends felt bad for the girl. They watched as she sulked, trying hard to participate but not shining as bright as she did before. Her once sparkling eyes were sad, cast downwards most of the time while she hid behind her brown curls. She made up excuses to avoid plans with them, but she'd quickly exhausted them. They'd understood; but Sean hadn't. He couldn't comprehend why his best friend suddenly pulled herself away from them. From him.

They were still partners. They'd made a pact that nothing would jeopardize that, and they stuck to it. Both had worked too hard to let anything get in between the connection they had. But now, it was strictly professional. Kaycee decided their sleepovers, affectionate head hugs and longing touches were inappropriate now that Sean has a girlfriend.

Girlfriend. That word still tasted bitter in her mouth. She honestly had no idea where this girl came from, but one day, during rehearsal, he'd announced he was going on a date. She knew it was just a matter of time, however the reality was much worse than her thoughts.

"So," he said, laying the mat out has he always had when they tried a new lift, "I have a date tomorrow."

He searched her face, looking for something, anything to tell him this was a horrible idea. But her mouth stayed in a tight line, eyes boring into his.

"Oh," she said, unenthusiastically, "that's great, Sean. Who is she?"

Kaycee busied herself at his laptop, trying to find the song they were using in his library. He watched her back, trying to see if she had any reaction. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she really didn't feel anything for him past friendship.

"Her name is Aria. I met her a few weeks ago at that workshop I taught. She's an amazing dancer, she killed my choreo. I was impressed."

Kaycee still hadn't turned, clicking the trackpad up and down even though she had already scrolled past the song four times now. She couldn't face him; not yet. She needed to compose herself to keep her entire body from shaking with sobs. Her chest was tight and her stomach had all but dropped to the studio floor.

"Wow. That's great," she said, finally pulling herself together enough to turn around, "take her somewhere nice. Girls like that kind of thing."

She had no idea what they liked, other than herself. She wasn't the kind of girl that enjoyed dressing up, but she assumed Aria would be. She always heard Kylie talking about all the nice dates she'd been on, so she concluded some girls like to be paraded to a fancy dinner place.