i was scared of a heart i couldn't silence

Light Me Up

Song inspo- Light Me Up by Ingrid Michaelson.
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"Mommy please! I really want to. Look how well I can spin!" Rylee twirled around, arms raised above her head, turning so many times that she teetered. Kaycee exhaled, looking down at her daughter as she pirouetted in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

"Honey, maybe next year. I promise. Mommy just has a lot going on right now." She sighed, throwing some vegetables in her cart.

"Well what about Daddy? Can he take me?" She pleaded, her eyes wide and hopeful just like her mother's.

"Baby, you know that isn't possible right now. It's just going to be us for a little bit." She watched as her daughter's eyes watered, bottom lip beginning to tremble. She instantly recovered from her mistake, rushing to distract her daughter.

"How about we finish up and we can watch The Nutcracker when we get home?"

Her daughter's eyes instantly cleared, jumping up and down as she clutched her ballerina Barbie to her chest. Kaycee wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead, thanking the powers that be that Rylee didn't just have a complete meltdown in the middle of the crowded grocery store.

The past few months had been rough. Her and Gabe had a mutual agreement that the divorce was for the best, and he would stay a permanent fixture in their lives. But since then, he seemed to have disappeared. She knew they got married for all the wrong reasons, both realizing they were too young and hadn't reached their own independent goals. They made an irrational decision, and a nagging voice had told Kaycee in the back of her head for years that it wasn't right.

It had been on her mind longer than she admitted. She was only twenty one when they tied the knot, and now here she was at twenty five, already a divorcee and a four year old daughter on her hip. She would do it all again, though, if it brought her Rylee. She was basically Kaycee's clone, long brown curls and bright, hazel eyes. She barely looked like Gabe's child, but she assured him she was.

The early years of their marriage were great. They were a tiny, happy family. They were both still in school- Gabe for law and Kaycee for architecture. They struggled for a bit, but were fortunate to find jobs right out of the gate. They bought a small house in a great neighborhood. Everything seemed perfect, for a while. Gabe was kind to her, and he seemed to care about her. Her family had never been a huge fan, but with a baby in the picture, they figured they didn't have much of a choice.

Things went downhill quickly, though. Rylee turned three, and they were both stressed. Kaycee buried herself in her work, locking herself away in her office after she had put her daughter to bed. Gabe stopped coming home, and if he did, it wouldn't be until one or two o'clock in the morning. Kaycee never confronted him, but she had her suspicions when he'd slide into bed next to her at all hours.

She couldn't do it anymore. They resented each other- neither could remember the last time they'd enjoyed each other's company. They put on brave faces for their child, not wanting her to ever see her parents disagree. But once she was asleep, they would fight like hell behind closed doors.

"This is the third night this week, Gabriel. Do you care about me at all? About Rylee?" She rounded to face him, fists clenched at her waist.

"Of course I care! Why do you think I've been working so late? This case has a big price tag, Kaycee. It could mean a lot for us." She scoffed.

"The money doesn't matter Gabe. I'd rather have you here spending time with my daughter."

"Your daughter? So she's exclusively your child now." Gabe was trying to not raise his voice at her