Forever. I Promise (Sequel to As one. Always)

Chapter 2

I didn’t understand why I still loved Loki. Loki essentially left me to answer for his crimes. I was the closest to him, and I had to go through hours of questioning to find out why he did what he did. I was supposed to be mad at him for killing so many people. For trying to conquer the realm I grew up in, the realm I partially belonged in. Some people thought I should hate him for dragging me through all this.

But I couldn’t. More than ever I wanted answers from Loki, but that didn’t cloud my love for him. And that was putting me in a bad position, caught between wanting to talk to Loki and work things out and being too afraid to even see him again. Because seeing him again would mean I would find hope somewhere. Hope that he did have answers, reasonable answers. Hope that we could somehow be together.

“He left you to clean his mess.” Fandral told me, as I sat with my friends by the fire in our secret room. A couple of weeks have passed since Loki has been sentenced. My friends had returned from Vanaheim, leaving Hogun there to help his people rebuild and prosper.

They knew I would need comfort, and brought me out to socialize with them. I was feeling blue and had been keeping to myself in my room for far too long to their liking. “I know.” I said, looking into my wine cup. “He looks so different.” I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Luckily no one noticed, or chose to ignore it.

Sif was polishing her weapon. “You will never have to worry about any of this again. You can put all of this behind you.” She looked up the give me an encouraging smile. They all wanted the best for me, I knew that. And to them it meant letting go of Loki. It meant starting my life again with him tucked out of sight.

I knew they hoped I would find someone else, or continue putting my heart and soul into training like I’ve been doing all this time. They acted like finding a person to replace Loki or just getting a hobby would fix everything, and I’d come out like I was before: happy.

That didn’t seem to be happening. It obviously wouldn’t happen with my soul bound to Loki’s. I felt a stony wall the last time I reached for him. I haven’t felt him reach out to me. I felt trapped like this, always yearning for his presence, to feel the connection we did before. I wanted to feel the electricity when we kissed, feel him hold me once more. Those things would never happen. Loki has moved on.

I sighed, needing to be honest with my friends. I couldn’t just smile back at Sif and agree. This was too personal, and they were my friends. They needed to know what they were dealing with. “I don’t think it’s so simple.” I confessed. As soon as I said those words, everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at me in utter disbelief. Volstag even stopped eating.

Fandral just shook his head, taking a gulp of mead. At least he had the grace to leave me be. He understood love and women far better than I had first assumed. Sif, on the other hand, didn’t. “You can’t still be in love with him?!”

“After he betrayed us all? Betrayed you?” Vosltag made a conscious effort to be patient.

“Loki left you to answer for his deeds!” Sif didn’t get the hint and was harsh with her words. “He leaves you for years, leaves you waiting for him, thinking he was dead! Then he returns with even more crimes than before! He is in the dungeons for life, do you think you have a future with him? He’s-”

“I know Sif.” I drank my wine. I was starting to take my friend’s opinions too personally. I wasn’t stupid. I already knew the things she was telling me. “Loki has personally ensured we will never be together. I know what he’s done. Loki has caused havoc on both of my homes, he’s killed many innocent people. He has no love or care for anyone, or at least it seems that’s the man he has become. But I love him. I can’t help it.” After a few more comments they got off my case.