𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤. [✓]

xi

get your tissues ready

♡

renjun woke up to the sound of his phone going off like crazy. he was quickly rushed with a wave of pain in his head. groaning, renjun grabbed his phone, only to see 13 unread messages. there were mostly from chenle and jeno. why where they texting him? he decided not to read nor respond to them. he wasn't in the mood. so much has happened. chan broke things off, he got in a fight with jaemin. how much more was going to go down? what's going to happen next? is jeno going to leave renjun too?

everyone was leaving renjun. first his parents, and now jaemin and jeno. but, he left them. he told himself to stay away. it was for the best. he wouldn't hurt. but that's not the case now. he hurt both just as bad as how he hurt himself. so much for ignoring your feelings. renjun's mind started to drift off to what jaemin was doing. no, renjun. stop thinking about him. you blocked him and got into a fight with him for a reason. get a grip. renjun thought.

renjun heard a sound. it was the sound of someone screaming. a female. who was it? did his mom finally come? oh how much trouble he would be in if it was his mom. the vodka bottles were all over the place. the chinese got out of bed and headed downstairs. ❝ow! oh my god, i'm such a bad cook. ugh, get it together yerim.❞ the voice said. it was yerim. she was at renjun's house. renjun sprinted to the kitchen, only to see yerim running water in her hand.

❝yerim noona. what—what are you doing here?❞ yerim saw renjun. she ran and hugged the boy. ❝why the fuck were you drinking?! you're hurting your body! do you know how worried i was?!❞ the younger started to sob loudly. the korean pulled away and signalled renjun to sit down. ❝what happened?❞ was all that yerim could say. it hurt her so bad that she wasn't able to be here for renjun.

❝i-i went on a date with this guy named chan. we were actually partners for a project. i know that it was wrong, it was, but he... wanted to be in a three way relationship. he likes two seniors. we agreed to go on a date to see if we could work out. even though we like other people. yesterday, they asked him out. he said yes. we both knew that it isn't the best way to get over people you love. he cut things off with me. i didn't know what to do, so i came home and drank. i hang out with jaemin, and i told him that i was going on a date with chan. i ignored by friend group because i didn't want to see jaemin and jeno.❞

❝renjun, i'm so sorry for not coming earlier. i was at—❞ ❝don't be sorry, i'm fine.❞ yerim looked into renjun's glassy eyes. ❝i... got in a fight with jaemin. over text.❞ renjun bit his lower lip. he really wished he never fought with jaemin. the things renjun called jaemin. piece of shit, fuck off. he wanted to run away, never see anyone ever again. ❝why didn't you tell me any of this? renjun you can't do this alone.❞ ❝i miss them. i miss their hugs. i miss them calling me their spoon, i miss them touching me.❞

yerim gave renjun one last hug before standing up. ❝starting now, im staying here. i promise i won't tell sicheng anything. but, please, promise you won't do anything to harm yourself.❞ yerim desperately begged. it pained her so much just to see renjun sad, she couldn't handle if he hurt himself again. but she knew she needed to be strong for the chinese. she needed to.

renjun nodded. he gave the older a sad smile before going back into his room. laying back down in his bed, tears spilled out of his puffy eyes. he wished he could turn back time and restart. but, we can't. we all do things we regret. we all hope things come true. we love people we can't have. we fall in love with people who can't return that favour. as renjun drifted off to sleep, the memories played in his head. if only he could relive those fun times one more time.

💗

nana

today, 3:20 am

i miss you
i miss you and jeno
i miss the way you both touch me. i miss the way you look at me. i miss you hugging me. i miss you calling me our little spoon. i'm sorry for fighting with you. i just don't know how to get over you. i can't stop loving you both. i'm so stuck on you i don't know what to do. i saw you and jeno kissing in the locker rooms. that's why i have been ignoring you. because you're in love with jeno. you're dating jeno. i'm nothing compared to him, i'm nothing to you. all those times, why were you being so nice to me? i hate myself for loving you both. it's so hard, i want to run away and never look back. i want to die. i want to cry. i thought i had a chance. i'm so stupid for thinking that. i'm sorry.
not delivered

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