Impossible to Love (Book 1 of The Starlite Heart)

The Starlite Princess

Sophie had grown up looking at the starlite castle. Being in a valley, it didn't tower above every other building, despite being the tallest among them. Sophie had played in its garden as a child, dined at the great table as a family member and danced at the balls held in the hall; but she had always returned to her home.

Her home had been the second tallest building in the starlite territory, a twin tower to the castle; but less majestic, less royal and more crowded. The castle was white, her home was grey. It was named 'Canishka Tower' in the memory of King Suffle's late wife. The starlites, however, called it by a more appropriate name- the orphan tower.

Sophie had seen neither of her parents. Her mother had died during childbirth and her father had died before in the battlefield. When they were little girls, Sophie and her friend Sia often talked about their mothers. Sia, too, had no memory of her mother. So, most of these talks were based on their imaginations and what the elders had told them.

The tower was home to many other starlite orphans, but Sia and Sophie failed to become friends with any of them. The reason could have been that the girls were content with each other. It could also have been the jealousy Sophie's association with Sia inspired in general or the intimidation Sia's royalty caused.

"At least you have a father and a brother," little Sophie had told her royal friend one day.

"Aren't you a ward of the state?" Sia had protested in her innocence. "Doesn't everybody in the grey tower claim my father for their guardian? He says that he is a father to you all."

Although it was the official stand, feelings have little to do with words. The king had adopted every orphan under his sovereignty and he performed his duties towards them without any hesitation. They were provided with the best education and training available to starlites. Still, Sophie was the only one who had taken these words to the heart. The others thought it better to be an orphan than to have a father with hundreds of children.

The attachment between the two girls was such that the king and the prince also thought Sophie as part of their family. Although Sophie felt the same, she never forgot that she was one of the subjects.

She had decided early on not to be a handmaiden or a companion to Sia. She could never work in a place she thought home, for the people who were her family. Working for the royals would have only confirmed to the general misconception of her privilege. The sword had always been her choice of vocation and she had enlisted as soon as she was of age.

The battle at Xeo had brought her the fame she had dreamt of for a long time. The congratulation she craved most was of her friend Sia. And so the first place she went was the castle.

Sia gave Sophie a big welcome hug. "I'm so glad you are back, well almost all of you." She chuckled looking at her short hair.

"Good to see you too," Sophie said taking a seat on the big bed beside Sia. The purple room had gotten new curtains since Sophie was last there, but she was too upset to comment on it.

"People lose limbs all the time in battles, your loss will at least grow back," Sia tried to console Sophie.

"I suppose I should be grateful." Sophie gave a half-hearted smile.

Sia picked up a cherry from the plate of fruits on the table. "Grateful? You should be cheery! I heard you killed it in the battlefield," Sia said. "Not that there were many people to see it."

"The person who commands the whole army saw it. Who else matters?" Sophie smiled, wanting Sia to ask about her big news.

However, it was too subtle of a clue for her. "Neal?" She asked dumping the cherry in her mouth. Sia and her twin Dai had been close friends of Neal since childhood.

Sophie smiled smugly. "Yes."

"I guess you are right. You picked the best time to show your skills," she said, "more importantly, the best person." She sighed. "And here I am, waiting for all of you to come back."

Sophie didn't want to answer and busied herself with eating, while thinking of a new topic. She found one after a minute.

"Hey, what happened with the negotiations?" After Prince Neal had called for a truce, the terms of it were to be discussed in a political meeting. The only thing about politics that Sophie knew was that she wanted to be far from it. She only wanted war.

"The temporary pause to the battle," Sia said, "may become permanent after the peace meeting. The westerners are coming to finalize a peace treaty and this time it looks like they mean it."

"Nothing that hasn't happened earlier," Sophie said shaking her head. "There is war and then there is peace, and then the war comes again."

"This time it's different. Everyone is coming: the emperor, the king, the queen, and almost every prince and princess."

"So many Peshtim royals in Midos." Sophie chewed her lip. "I don't like it."

"It would be quite a meeting," Sia said, neglecting Sophie's concern. "We have less than a month to prepare for their arrival."

"Will Dai be back by then?"

"I suppose," Sia shrugged. Her brother had gotten married to the Esite princess Mishty just before the war had started. Although everyone else had to rush back for the war, he had chosen to stay at the Esite palace for some more time.

"Oh, he'll come for sure." Sophie waved her hand. "He wasn't allowed to fight in the war, but nobody can stop him from attending this meeting."

"I could have gone to war instead of father." Sia pouted. "But I never get to do anything."



"You can't fight in a war as long as the king fights."

"One head per shed," Sia muttered with displeasure. It was the rule of Midos that only one person from a family could fight in a war at any given time. It had seemed necessary after constant battles had wiped many family names.

"Don't worry you'll get your chance." Sophie patted her shoulder. "Once Dai has a child, he will be a different 'shed'. Then we will declare the king too old to battle and you can have a taste of the military life."

"I'm sure I won't get a chance. My big brother got the east all peaceful with his marriage. The north won't even acknowledge our existence- either with war or with friendship. So unless we have a civil war which I don't want-"

"We'll always have the west," Sophie interrupted.

"That's the thing." Sia got in a more upright position. "Father thinks that the Peshtims have an ulterior motive in coming here," she whispered. Sophie realized that the princess had her own gossip.

"You mean a trap?" Sophie's eyes narrowed.

"Kind of." Sia gave a sly smile. "They want to trap Neal into marriage."

Sophie rolled her eyes. "How do you 'trap' someone in a marriage?"

"They hope to pressurise him from all sides."

"Don't humans marry for love?" Sophie tilted her head.

"Not always," Sia answered. "You are so naïve. Only the lucky ones find love and then also they have so many barriers to cross, such as pressure from family, society, economics and such."

"It's much better our way. We don't let love cloud our judgement. Starlites are never pressurized into or out of marriage," Sophie said as she gazed lazily through the window. "Unless you count the law that obligates us to marry exactly once in our lifetime and that too before we turn twenty five."

"Yes we would always do the practical thing; whatever is best for ourselves, our family, our nation, our world, the whole earth," Sia said rolling her eyes. "The humans also have one marriage rule but they don't have an age limit."

"Well, it's not that bad for him. If we and many other humans can live without love, so can the prince. He is the one waving the white flag with full enthusiasm." Sophie pursed her lips.

"Poor Neal should not be made to pay such a hefty price for peace. He deserves his chances with love." Sia added secretly, "The Magnificence knows they are already very slim."

"Why don't you marry the starlite prince?" Sophie jested as she plopped a blue star-shaped fruit into her mouth. The fruit was called starberry because, like starlites, it was indigenous to the snowy mountains.

"Maybe I will," Sia replied in a mocking fashion, "and you can marry his little brother."

"The one they call the depressed prince?" Sophie made a disgusted face, scrunching her nose.” I have better plans." She would have flipped her hair if she had hair long enough to flip.

"Do tell," Sia asked, "what exactly are your plans?"

"Glad you asked." Sophie stood up and said with a smug smile, "The crown-prince was so impressed with my skills that he offered me a job."

"What job?" Sia frowned.

Sophie shrugged. "Well, there is only one job."

"He wants you to join the guardians," Sia stated.

"Should I?" Sophie asked sitting down on a nearby chair.

"For a sword-wielding girl like you, this is the perfect job opportunity."

"Since there is going to be peace." Sarcasm dripped from her voice.

"Since there is going to be peace," Sia emphasized. "You'll have to go back to what you were doing before the war."

"Nothing but sitting in remote places hoping someone would attack." Her lips curved down. "By Star, I would kill our own troops, just so that I get to stab someone."

"You'll be nearer to civilization this way," Sia said. "What did you tell him?"

"I said I'll think about it." She stretched her hands lazily.

"Then it's precisely what you need to do. Think about the pros and cons."

"I'll have to live on the grounds."

"It's not that far and is much better than being in some remote army camp."

"But I'll miss the mountains." The chair dangled on its front legs as Sophie bent towards Sia.

"How do you know? What's the longest you have been out of the mountains?"

"I'll miss you three," Sophie said in a childlike manner curling Sia's soft golden lock between her fingers.

The princess chuckled. "We are there half the time. Well, Dai not that much now." She rolled her eyes. "He used to be an energetic boy before I left him in all-male company. Now the lazy ass detests traveling down. Soon he'll grow a belly like our father. You know, when we were little, Dai and Neal were inseparable, just like you and me."

"I've heard time changes people," Sophie said. "And just because he doesn't love fighting like you and me, you can't call him lazy."

"Meetings are hard work, dear sisters," Sia said imitating her brother's thick voice.

"We are getting off topic. You think I should take the job?"

"It's just that you know nothing about the humans and the nymphs. You might be benefited by some knowledge about their culture and lifestyle."

"Why do I need to know about them? I don't want to spend the rest of my life guarding a wall."

"Don't be so melodramatic." Sia laughed. "It does not need to be the rest of your life. Do it for some time and if you don’t like it you can always resign." Sophie did not answer. "When you said you won't be in our guards, I understood your disposition. But now I think you don't want to be anything but a soldier. If that's the case, you should decline the offer."

Sophie chewed on her lip. "I'm too young to decide what to do with my life. Have you decided it?"

"I'm a princess. I can be nothing but a princess or a queen. Royalty is not allowed to work," Sia said looking more magnificent.

"I don't know if I'm jealous or relieved."

"Your Majesty." Sia's chambermaid appeared with a scroll in her hand. After Sia had taken it, she left the room with a starlite salute.

Sia glanced at the scroll and squeaked, "Father is giving you the Starcrest."

Starcrest was the second highest military award among the starlites.

"I did play an important part in the victory." Sophie gave a close-lipped smile.

"I know father only sent you there to deliver the news," Sia said, "because you were sulking."

"Sulking for the win." Sophie was unabashed.

"Here it says -'The Starcrest is being bestowed upon...blah blah blah...for showing remarkable fighting skills in extreme conditions and saving the life of the crown prince.' You saved Neal's life? No wonder he offered you a job."

"I guess," she shrugged. "These things are common on a battlefield. You kill people. "

"At least we will have that ceremony. I wish my father would throw a ball like  Empress Natasha is throwing in Neal's honour." Sia sighed. "Or let me throw a ball in his honour."

"You can always go to the human ball."

"No way. I went once. Human balls have humans." Her nose cringed. "And they do the human dance. I bet you didn't know etiquette restrains a starlite to fly inside human dwellings. We have to walk." The last word was said with a mix of horror and disgust.

Sophie's eyes widened. "I can't imagine dancing without feet in the air. Where do they move?" Fighting with feet on the ground was bad enough for her.

"I do love those human dresses though. Pity we can't fly in those." Sia pinched her velvet tights.

Sophie could not fathom Sia's desire for a dress. Sia looked stunning in her pink silk shirt with golden embroidery matching the colour of her hair.

"And shoes," Sia blabbered on.

Starlites didn't think it necessary to wear shoes as their feet were always in the air. Sophie wondered if the reason for Sia's frequent visits to the human castle was an excuse to wear shoes. Even Sophie knew it would be an insult to the human royalty if someone went to the castle barefooted.

"We have socks," Sophie said in defence remembering how uncomfortable she had felt at Xeo, wearing the white laced shoes.