The President's Son [narry]

9- Meet Me At My Worst

I can still remember the feeling I had. I kept my eyes focused on the ground during the walk to the van that was waiting for us right outside the house. I wanted to turn around to look at him again, one last time before I left but I couldn’t and I hated myself for that.

Louis, as always, walked to the front seat but stopped right before he got in. He turned around and gave me a pity look that I disliked because it made me feel pathetic, “You take it. You need it more than I do,” he told me. He was the only one from all of them who knew the way I felt or so I thought.

I put my sunglasses on so no one could see what my face looked like. I felt so stupid and immature about my reaction. Why was I so sad? When did I become an adolescent girl? I hated my guts during the whole ride. If I were alone, I would have cried like a baby but luckily, I wasn’t.

The guys were talking with Manuel about random stuff but I seriously couldn’t have cared less about any of it. I suddenly felt Louis’ hand squeezing my shoulder from behind my seat. Louis was the kind of person who never showed physical affection so I was shocked. It was very weird but that hand on my shoulder meant the world to me. He understood what I was going through and that was his way of telling me he was there for me.

I stared at the empty road ahead of us and it reminded me of how empty my life was back in the UK. I had a family, yes. I had lots of friends too but everyone else had someone special to think of. All of my friends were dating someone, all the time, but I was always alone. Not just because of the fact that it was hard to maintain a relationship having that “celebrity” status I hated so much. There were many other reasons why I’ve never jumped on the relationship train and one of them was my long and boring obsession with Louis, which was luckily gone already. But the main reason was that I’ve never actually found anyone who interested me as I wanted them to. That changed after my visit to Argentina.

I kept picturing the look on Niall’s face when we said goodbye to each other. His bright eyes were so off. His beautiful smile had faded away. I could feel how sad he was and that killed me. I still wasn’t sure of what it really was what he felt about me but I couldn’t stop remembering the words Hannah said. He is crazy about you. I thought I deserved a chance to find that out on my own but yet, I was still there. Leaving. Running away. Was it better to leave all that behind? To leave him with a good first impression? That could have been the best thing to do because I was afraid that if he got to know me better, he’d change his mind about me.

I just stayed in silence, swallowing my thoughts and repressing the urge I felt to jump out of that ride to run back to his house. I was used to hide my emotions. I was used to put up with that bubbly image people had of me. But sometimes all I needed was to be real. All I wanted was someone to love me as much as I thought I deserved to be loved. I didn’t want to smile all the time anymore. I didn’t want people to think I was jumping from one model’s bed to another because that was so far from whom I really was. I wanted someone to get to know me at my best and at my worst. I wanted to have the right to have flaws and I knew that wouldn’t happen back in the place where I was heading to.

“We are here,” Manuel stopped the car and turned around to look at me, “Are you okay, Harry?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I lied, “Why did you ask?” I questioned when we were left alone inside the car.

“No reason. You just seem different from yesterday,” he stared at me with an intense glare, “Looks like something had changed inside you,” he added and then he left the van. Was it really that obvious? How could a guy who didn’t even know me notice that there was something wrong going on with me?

That was the first time I realized there was something more about Manuel. He wasn’t just the tough bodyguard he seemed to be. He’d become something way more important for Niall and me in the future.