My head hung low. I couldn't raise my eyes to her. I wasn't sure I could control myself if I did. Her soft warm palms came to rest at either side of my face lifting my face to her. I couldn't protest. I missed her warmth. I missed her so much. Her v...
ओह! यह छवि हमारे सामग्री दिशानिर्देशों का पालन नहीं करती है। प्रकाशन जारी रखने के लिए, कृपया इसे हटा दें या कोई भिन्न छवि अपलोड करें।
I left the tv station as fast as I could. I needed to be alone. I locked the doors and leaned in on the driver's seat. I was tired. Recollecting so many memories which I held so dear to my heart was hard. Even more hard when it was in front of a camera, with all the attention on me. The attention, I hate it. The fame, I loathe it. If not for those things I wouldn't have to keep my distance from her. The wallpaper was slightly getting hazy. To be real it was my eyes getting blurred with involuntary tears. The photo hadn't capture her face. It was better that way, because I wouldn't be able to stand seeing her face everyday. But I wanted to revisit the warmth I felt every time I held her. That was enough for me to keep going.
Newly surfaced reminiscence dragged me back to the day, the day I met her for the second time, the moment I realized she definitely was different. I was returning back from JAPAN tokyo dome concert. I was devastated because I wasn't able to give the audience my best performance. I was injured. The strained ankle was giving me a hard time even when I was just standing, yet alone performing. I had to cut short my Love me right performance and get back to the dressing room. I was advised not to go back. So when I landed back in SEOUL airport only thing I wanted was a undisturbed ride back to my place. I was irritated when I saw the usual hyped up crowd at the entrance. I would like to stay in the airport much rather, than continue to pass the crowd out to the car. But I had to. It wasn't helping at all when I was the only one returning early. Without the rest of the group I knew I'm already the sole target to get ambushed.
And I was dead right. I dropped my head low and tried to distract myself with the blasting music from my earphones. Every time I shoved sideways I tried not to get mad. They are supposedly the fans. And I chose this life and I was ought to accept this inconvenience as well. But today it was harder than the usual, because I was the only member here, and my ankle was a disaster. I only winced at each and every time someone stepped on my feet. It wasn't getting any better when my slipper slipped out as I moved forward through the crowd. I knew no one's gonna pick that up for me unless it is one of my bodyguards or myself. For a fact I knew everyone surrounding me right now who call themselves as fans are holding their phones and cameras at me, and all those were glued to me. So I stepped back to get the slipper.
I stopped at my heel when I saw a girl picking it up. She dropped it at my feet without me having to move at all. She couldn't get nearer and neither she tried to. Her hands weren't clutched on to camera like the rest of the crowd did. I knew her, in fact I haven't been able to get her out of my head after that fansign event. "Hey!" I was zoned out, only seeing her. She wasn't seeing me through a lense like every breathing body around me did. Her eyes flashed up to mine for a brisk moment. That was it and I was pushed forward again. With all the moving bodies around me I grasped a one last look at her. She was still there standing, without moving an inch. For the first time in my life I wished if she'd come after me, just like the others did. Who am I kidding? She has always been far from everyone else. She surprised me for the second time in my life. That night as I was driving away from the airport, there was just one thing on mind, I was determined to do. I'm gonna meet her again.And this time I'm gonna talk to her.
Jongin's caller ID lit up the screen bringing me back to the present. He might have watched the interview. Knowing me enough, he knew I might need some distraction. But I much rather reminisce about her than talking to anyone else about her. That's why I reject the call. I know he means well, but I just need a little more time on my own with her memories.
Going back down the memory lane again I remember how hard it was to figure out a way to meet her. I thought so many ways but none made sense to succeed. After so many months Suho randomly suggested me to do an Instagram live in order to promote the repackage album. But clearly I wasn't in the mood. Even if I did do a live, all I would do is whine. Just like I did a day before the fansign event. I practically revealed how suicidal my thoughts were recently. I was just as devastated throughout the fan signing event, until she came along to give me the note. She was there like to remind me to be strong. For a blink of an eye a train of thoughts started triggering in my mind.
That was it. She was there again at the airport because she knew how disappointed I'd be after the utter failure on my performance at Tokyo dome. She was there just like the first time, to let me know I'll be okay. Maybe she might have not known that her presence had that effect on me. But I certainly knew. My thoughts aligned accordingly for me to set out the plan. I was going to see her again. The thought alone made my heart full.
Even now after years from then I still get the same feeling but not for getting to meet her again, I know I wouldn't. These feelings only lingers in me because I got this chance to know her, to know someone like her. In a life which is nothing but mundane, I got to feel something extraordinary, her.
(On a special note, I don't know the exact owner of the image so if it is yours or anyone's you happened to know of...please let me know, I'll give credit)
Thank you for reading this. Your read, vote, comment will be highly appreciated. So feel free to do so. Love you.
