My Dear Loser : When Sun doesn't love you

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I like sun, but I won't called this feeling as love. I still think that it's not right to like a guy and sun is no exception.

I used to think that way.

But this week feels heavier. I don't know why, but since sun and ainam caught me in the plaza with my middle school crush, I'm feeling lost and guilty.

At first, I thought that because of ainam. You know right if I used to like her. But then after the plaza incident, still in the same day, sun calls me to meet him. Then He asked me about my feelings, my real feelings towards him. He asked 'what is he to me?'. And I answered him the truth that i like him, he is someone special for my life. He is more than just friends, but still I can't love him the way he loves me.
After hear that answer, sun's eyes become red and he is leaving me alone in that place.
Maybe I break his heart again, but it's for the best. He can be happy with a girl that he loved, so why he should after me?

But then I'm feeling guilty again. I shouldn't do that to him. I try to contact him but he didn't answer it.

I didn't meet him until this morning. And I understand if he trying to ignoring me. I push him away, so now he try to avoid me. But suddenly I feel upset and trying my best to make him speak to me again.

When we headed to the canteen, copper and his gang bother Oh again. Copper still didn't accept it that peach choose Oh over him. I, ainam and sun trying to help Oh, but we can't. Fortunately for me and ainam, we both okay. They didn't beat girls and they let me off because once I'm part of their gang. But oh and sun got severely injured. I feel helpless. I'm dissapointed on myself because I can't protect sun from them. I feel sorry for him, but I can't express it.

When the school ends, I want to invite sun to sleep in my house. I want us to be good as usual. But then someone coming. I don't know him. But he seems close to sun. He takes sun's bag and even trying to help sun to walk. But sun push him because sun was too ashamed for doing that around the school. That guy seems like a good guy.

Suddenly I feel pain in my chest. It's hard for me to look at sun together with other guy. Maybe because sun was someone special for me, so I want him to has an ordinary relationship with a girl. I'm not trying to deceive myself but the pain in my chest must be because of that simple reason.