A Demon's Regret

Part 89

Everything seemed to be going pretty smoothly. Almost all of the border skirmishes had been quieted. Hellam Township in York, Fengdu County in China, Murgo in Kashmir- all had settled down. Mount Osore in Northern Japan was a minor deal- kid's stuff. Only part of the Karakum Desert in Derweze was still a considerable irritant; I was going to head up a party for diplomatic negotiations in the Black Sands that would leave tomorrow. I thought fondly of how, soon, I'd be able to send Andy in my stead for such things. He just needed to finish up his quest/penance/whatever it was exactly. I grinned happily to myself. Things were really on the up and up!

I twisted off the top of an Arrogant Bastard Ale and extended the legs of my recliner, ready to queue up the Packers game. I had timed it perfectly- the game wasn't finished yet, so no one could spoil it, but I'd still be able to fast-forward through the ads on my DVR. I chuckled at the satanic genius of it, picked up the remote, and-

The main door opened and someone came shuffling in quickly. I set down the remote and turned to see a skinny orange demon in my livery that had dropped to one knee. His eyes were glued to the ground, with arms rigidly extended, and he was holding an old-fashioned scroll. "My Lord and Commander, Darkest King of Kings, forgive my intrusion! I come bearing an urgent message." He looked terrified; his whole body was trembling.

I sighed. I didn't recognize him; kid had to be new. Feeling lazy, I motioned him over, but he was still staring at the ground. I was comfy and didn't want to move so I cleared my throat, "ok, bring it here." He obeyed and when I spotted the seal on the scroll, I waved him away. This was a message to be read in private.

I scowled at the stupid little dove in pink wax. Dennis sure was turning into a major hippy as he got older. I gritted my teeth as I popped the seal. The text was brief:

"Hi Chris! You available to come hang out tonight? We can watch the Packers game! They're going to lose, but it would still be great fun to watch!

-Love, Dad"

I groaned from the very deepest reservoirs of my lungs. Why me!? My mood turned even sourer as I realized this meant an end to the Packers' three game winning streak.

'Great fun?' 'Love, Dad?' And what exactly about this was urgent? This was from Baha, the Supreme Being, and this was urgent?

As I thought about it, I did have to acknowledge that such a batshit message was in keeping with his general MO, I just never seemed to get used to his antics. Over the years Dennis had done very little to quell the incessant warring between our peoples. He was far more prone to bizarre, grand gestures and mysterious shenanigans. More than likely the game invite was just a front for some other reason he wanted to talk to me. If that was the case, at the very least, he could have helped the Packers' win! I gave myself the petty satisfaction of scorching the stupid scroll in my hands instead of recycling it. Hmph!

I didn't particularly want to 'hang out,' but I did want to know the real motive behind the message. Besides, the premature disclosure of a game result deserved an 'urgent' complaint in person! Quickly locking the doors (though not bothering to put away my wings, horns, or tail), I popped rapidly through the dimensions, directly into my Father's den, where I sensed him waiting for me. He was sitting on a lavender loveseat (in the same matching tracksuit he had been wearing the last time I'd seen him, but with the addition of a Cardinal's baseball cap), with a dorky smile on his face that calmed some of my anger. But I was still really fucking pissed. "Dad, you-"