『ROSES』 s.mg.

nine.

waking up from her short slumber, juna brought her hand up to her neck, which hurt like hell. she looked to her side, only to find an empty seat with flowers on top. confusion was written all over the girl's face, as she didn't remember yunho ever leaving. "your friend, he just left, half an hour ago." juna glanced up, a familiar nurse had just entered the room, placing a vase for the flowers on the table, and slowly dropping the flowers in the water. raena was still asleep, and her breathing had gotten only slower and softer over the past two hours juna had been asleep.

she looked at the nurse, before continuing. "did he say anything, when he left?" to which the nurse shook her head, "no, but there was someone else who checked in on you about 10 minutes ago. i've never seen him here before. he looked... strange. it was like he was making sure you were here. but hey, that could just be my sleep deprivation talking." she chuckled out the last part, arranging the flowers for one last time before heading out.

juna's phone chimed from her mom's bedside table, and she quickly reached over to turn off its ringtone and check her messages. 2:43 am.
she had been with her mom for the past twelve hours, and she felt drained of all energy. she gently placed her hand over her mother's, feeling the warmth of her own hand radiate onto her mother's cold one. "i'll be right back, mom. i love you." as she moved her other hand up to clear the hair from raena's face, she stood up from her chair and kissed her forehead.

deciding to charge up a bit, she quietly left the room to get some coffee and food from the cafeteria, only one floor down.
on the elevator, she took the time to actually read the message she had received only minutes prior to her leaving.

YUNHO
hey, j :)
sorry for leaving
so suddenly
but you looked so
peaceful and you
were finally sleeping
so i didn't want to
wake you up. hope
you and your mom
have a good night!
i'll see you on
wednesday, right?

JUNA
the four of us together
like old times. of course, you'll see me wednesday.
btw, thank you, for
staying so long.
goodnight. :)

a notification popped up on her screen, flashing a red, nearly drained, battery in front of her face. BATTERY CRITICALLY LOW!
crap. she never brought her charger. "damn, not again." she muttered out, leaning her head back against the cold metal wall. a moment of silence washed over her, her thoughts also quiet for the first time in a while. with a loud ding, echoing through her ears, the elevator doors opened up, revealing yet another silent hallway reeking of medicine.

after getting a snack and a drink, she took a seat at a table and rested her head in her hands, letting out a deep breath; one she didn't know she was holding in. should i just go home, or should i stay? that question continued echoing through her head, until she decided she should probably go home, at least for a change of clothes. she'd go home quietly—making sure not to wake up daewon or nayeon— wash up a little, change and come back; it wouldn't take any longer than twenty minutes, tops. she just needed to get out of this place for a moment, to clear her head, even her senses, after smelling the medication and scent of near death the past day.

near death.
she hated seeing her mother like this, often crying out in pain, as she clenches the scratchy bedsheets in her hand until her knuckles turn white. juna hated how she would have to stay with her nearly every night, hold her own mother in her arms, and gently rock or sing her to sleep, anything to distract her from her inner pain. it wasn't that juna despised being with her mother, on the contrary. she didn't want it to be in situations like these, situations in which she couldn't do anything to take away her pain.
she couldn't wait for the day raena was finally cleared to come home with her and they could finally be a normal family again. somewhere in her subconscious, she knew that day probably wouldn't come, her condition was too severe, she was almost past saving. almost. that word brought hope to the eldest daughter, almost was not completely, which meant there was at least some saving the doctors could do.

standing up from the hospital's cafeteria chair, juna moved her hair to one side, as she took a deep breath, some way of preparing herself mentally to see her mother in constant pain yet again. alright, you're gonna toughen the hell up, juna. don't let mom see through you. be strong for her, i swear. don't be selfish, and just think of her. set yourself aside for one damned day, always pitying yourself, just shut it for once. your problems are so trivial compared to your mom's-

"shut up, stop it" juna mumbled out to herself, it was normal for her to have moment like these, moments filled with self-hatred, and, thankfully,  one thing song haneul had actually taught her, was to give that self-hating part of herself inside her head a name, one different from hers, and to tell it to shut. the. hell. up. sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and at times it only grew a little quieter. though anything was better than this.

it had taken her a moment to realize she had arrived at the floor on which her mother was residing. her whole world seemed to slow down the second she heard the commotion inside the all too familiar room to her left. between the running of the doctors and shouts echoing down the hallway, the teenager heard a loud 'CLEAR' be called out, causing her heart to rise up to her throat. "no, no, no. please be okay, please be alright" it seemed as though her brain wasn't sending any impulses to her limbs, as she just stood there, right in front of the elevator, repeating the pathetic mantra in her head, and too scared to take a step forward to her mother's room. doctors and nurses were rushing past her, oblivious to the girl's presence.

as if she was snapped back into reality by some unknown force, she started moving closer and closer, now within hearing distance, enough to hear those forever dreaded words:
"shin raena, time of death 3:18 am."