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Topanga was caught between a rock and a hard place.
She'd always been used to having to be around and enough for everybody around her but it seemed as if this time, either choice meant that she was abandoning somebody who needed her. On one hand, she had two children and their mother who needed her to operate and give them a chance to live normally and stay alive. On the other, she had her own family.
And for better or worse, they were her family. Nothing had ever been more important to her. There were bits of her that simply ached whenever she thought about missing something important or being so far away when he was going through something so serious. But a smaller part of her, that was nearly non-existent, and yet still nagged at her, was happy to be away and to be able to focus on her career, because this was good for her and her career. And perhaps, it was selfish but she, of all people, was allowed to be selfish. Not that she would ever allow herself to think for more than a few moments.
And Topanga had never been more aware of the toll that it was taking on her own personal health.
She'd promised Tony that she was alright. She was mentally stable and capable enough to take this on. She'd even gotten her doctor to check off that physically, she was prepared and ready for this but mentally might have been a completely different experience. There were moments when she was completely fine and then moments when she felt completely disconnected from everything, her mind going completely empty and her body, numb, in accordance.
And Topanga could not afford moments.
Moments, in the operating room, was all that it took some time for everything to completely spiral out of control and there were lives depending on her. Two young lives that belonged to two beautiful children who had barely gotten to experience it yet. She couldn't be the reason that they never did. Topanga could not afford to be unprepared or unsteady. She'd spent so much of her life trying to outrun her anxiety, she wouldn't allow it to be the reason that she couldn't do it.
