Round and Round We Go

Chapter 3

The day slowly dragged on she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. Should she tell Amanda or Carisi. Should she just keep it to herself? They all knew the torture Elliot put Olivia threw. She hates to say torture but she couldn't explain it any other way. She wanted to be with him so badly and then when they were together it was all fake. She was finally going to just have a relaxing night. Noah was already bathed and ready for his movie night. Amanda was coming over with Jesse and Olivia could relax and talk to Amanda who had become her best friend. Just then the door rang.

"Jesse!" Noah said hugging his best friend as Olivia opened the door. The two little ones wondered off inside the apartment. It was cute how best friends they were but they hoped that wouldn't be an issue later on in the future. Olivia and Amanda laughed a little bit. Amanda handed Olivia a bottle of wine.

"Hey this isn't fair I will be the only one drinking." Olivia said with a laugh getting glasses.

"Well I'll take water or juice whatever you got." Amanda said with a laugh.

"How does Apple juice sound." Olivia said Amanda handed her the glass to fill it up.

"I can dream till this little one gets here." Amanda said placing her hand on her stomach. "Olivia how are you feeling after today?" Amanda said concerned about her friend. Olivia poured herself a glass of wine and sighed.

"I thought seeing him would be different." Olivia said taking a small sip. "But he wasn't there for me when I needed him. He left me like I meant nothing." Olivia said. Maybe it was the wine talking because she usually isn't like this. She would have never imagined her and Amanda becoming this close she felt like she could tell Amanda anything.

"Liv it's not your fault how he acts." Amanda said to her friend.

Olivia wanted to yell but she didn't want the kids to come into the room. They were contently watching Christmas movies. "I know its not but I just can't wrap my head around it. He didn't even reach out to me when I was on the news about Lewis and after everything I tried to call him. It wasn't fair to me. He left me and I had so much on my plate. He slept with me its not like it was an on going thing. It happened once and although everyone thinks it was way more it wasn't. I wasn't a home wrecker. He just keeps getting women pregnant." Olivia said taking another sip of wine. If it wasn't for him leaving she wouldn't have taken the sergeants exam and then became lieutenant,

"He's a man. They are oblivious to everything." Amanda said, she didn't really like Elliot to be honest she hated the man. She hated how much Olivia seemed in distress about him. Elliot had just left when she started and Olivia was really cold hearted and hard but over the years she understood why she was like she was. Amanda wondered about there conversation few months earlier when she was considering abortion. She knew Olivia had one but was it with Elliot.

"I know what your thinking Amanda." Olivia said knowing her friend better then she knew herself.

"No you don't." Amanda said with a laugh wishing her drink was wine or something stronger. Olivia started to pour herself another glass of wine.

"I want to have the whole bottle after this day." Olivia said with a smirk. "Amanda before you assume anything." Olivia wasn't sure if she was going to spill all her secrets but Amanda was the only female close friend she had so what did it matter. "Yes I was pregnant at a time with Elliot's child but it wasn't when I got an abortion. I did when I was young and that made it difficult for me to have children again. I figured a lot of it was stress of the job but I got pregnant by Elliot and had a miscarriage, then I thought I was pregnant with Brian but I wasn't. I just gave up hope after that I longed for a child and I got so lucky with having Noah I couldn't imagine my life without him but sometimes I just wish..."

"You could feel the baby kick, move, and everything." Amanda finished her sentence. She could see the pain in Olivia's eyes and could tell Olivia just wanted to experience pregnancy. "Well if it makes you feel better the craving, weight gain, and mood swings awful." Amanda said jokingly hoping to make her friend laugh a little. Olivia nodded taking another giant gulp of her drink. "I never imagined having this baby I know though Olivia." Amanda didn't know what else to say she just reached for Olivia's hand giving it a small squeeze. Olivia gave her a small smile and put her glass down.

"Noah assumes the baby is a boy. He says he will be it's older brother." Olivia said with a chuckle.

"Is it funny I thought Jesse would want a baby sister but she wants it to be a boy too! I am just going to be happy with whatever it is." Amanda said placing her hand over her growing stomach.

"I say girl." Olivia said she was happy Amanda was happy, and that she had a close friend like her. She still wondered everyday what life could have been like with Elliot. She wondered that every day. She called him telling him over and over that they needed to talk and it was important. He just never answered she just assumed he needed space not that he got back with Kathy but it didn't surprise her. "I'm going to go check on the kids." Olivia said trying to get herself out of her thoughts. Olivia got up and walked into Noah's playroom, which use to be her home office. The two of them were snuggled up next to one another fast asleep. She took a quick picture bringing it to Amanda.

"Oh no Amanda we are in trouble!" Olivia said with a laugh showing Amanda the photo. She laughed a little trying not to choke on her apple juice.

"Oh god they are going to be trouble when older aren't they," Amanda said smiling. It was adorable how close they were. Amanda and Olivia finished talking until it got late and Amanda took Jesse home.

A/N- sorry to leave this chapter so abruptly but I wanted to ended it where it was. I hope y'all loved this chapter and please leave reviews!