prompt; i'm scared of being with you
summary: colson wants her to be his gf but she doesn't want to be with him
word count: 897
warnings: swearing, alcohol
philophobia-
overwhelming and unreasonable fear of falling in love
Drink after drink is poured down my throat by none other than myself, the mixture of alcohol causing my vision to blur and balance to become unsteady. I guess it's time to go home.
"I'm gonna head home, Kells," I say.
"Want me to come with you?" He turns around and smiles.
"You can stay but you're welcome to crash at mine tonight if you want,"
"All good, let me just grab my jacket and we'll head off."
"Alright, I ordered the uber a few minutes ago so it should be here soon. I'll meet you out the front!" I shout over the screaming people surrounding us. I walk out the front of the club and wait for our uber.
"Hey baby," I hear a voice say from next to me. I look to my right and see an obviously drunk guy walking over to me.
"Um hi," I say awkwardly and pull my phone out, which hopefully sends a message that I'm not interested.
"Can I get your number?" He slurs.
"No sorry. Um, I've got a boyfriend,"
"Who cares!?" He laughs hysterically. "Come home with me come on," He grabs my arm.
"No! Let go of me!" I rip my arm away. He wraps his arm around my waist and tries to drag me towards him. "I just told you I have a boyfriend, I don't want to go home with you!" I push his arm off me.
"Well, where is he then?"
"Right fucking here." I hear Kells say from behind me. I run over to him and hug him. He hugs me back and walks over to the guy, his 6 foot 4 body towering over the drunken asshole. "Get away from my girl, asshole. She ain't going home with you."
"Whatever," He mumbles and walks away sloppily.
"Thank you," I tell my friend, he's not my boyfriend but I sure am glad he said he was because who knows what could've happened if he wasn't there.
"Here," Colson wraps his black jacket around my shoulders and hugs me from behind. "Hey maybe I can be your boyfriend for real so you don't get any more assholes harassing you?" He says with a cheeky smile. I just laugh and shake my head.
"Our uber's here." We get in the car and bump to his music on the way back to my house.
"Alright we're here, what do you wanna do?" I ask the tall, tattooed human being in my lounge room.
"You can go to bed if you want, I'll just chill here." He says as he sits down on the couch.
"I'm no bitch! I probs won't sleep till lunchtime tomorrow." He laughs.
"Damn baby," I blush at the nickname.
"Well, I got some tabs, can't remember what they are. Wanna drop them?"
"Hell yeah!" He jumps up and follows me to my bedroom. I grab two glasses of water on the way and place them on my bedside table. I pull up a floorboard and grab the packet of pills from a secret compartment I've got for my drugs. I hand Kells one and grab one for myself then put the bag back. I place the floorboard down softly, stand up and place the tab on my tongue. I let it dissolve for a few minutes before swallowing the aftermath and chasing it with some water, he does the same.
Half an hour later we are laying on my bed staring at my ceiling that was painted like a starry night.
"Y/N, I was serious when I said I wanted you to be my girlfriend,"
"I can't be your girlfriend, Colson."
"Why not?" He frowns. "I love you,"
"I'm scared of being with you,"
"Are you serious Y/N?" He huffs. "Why?"
"Many reasons. You're a rockstar Kells, it's hard enough being your friend. I love you to death but you're always away on tour or focusing on music or filming movies which is great! I'm not trying to say it's not, I'm incredibly proud of where you're at in life. But you're surrounded by beautiful women every day that would do anything to fuck you, how are you supposed to resist that? Your boys will criticize you for getting a girlfriend, I'll distract you from your job and you'll party less to hang out with me and the boys will get mad. I'm not ruining your relationship with your day ones just so I get who I want. Also what if what you're feeling is only temporary and you get sick of me in a months time? Feelings change. But it's not just you, it's also me. I've had my heart broken and I don't want to go through that pain again. I'm afraid to fall in love. I secure my heart and put my walls up too high, I'm hard work. I'm the person who runs from everything, from commitment and confrontation. You won't be able to be there for me like I want you to be but that's not your fault. You're perfect. You're everything. You're just not the right one for me and I'm not the right one for you Colson."
"Is that how you really feel?"
"Yes," He looks straight into my eyes and kisses my forehead. He stands up and grabs his shit then left my house.
And that was the last time I ever saw Colson "Machine Gun Kelly" Baker.
