Sugar and Spice (A Reylo AU)

Ant Hills

Ben had been trying to fall asleep. Trying and failing. 

Tonight was a rough night for him, but then again when were they ever easy? Sleeping was a chore in and of itself, likely resulting in broken down frustration and time passing in a hollow daze, but it was impossible to muster up the inspiration to do much else. 

His mind was like a stepped on ant hill. His thoughts scurrying to the surface like those ants until the hill was unrecognizable under a wave of the insects, and in the same way, any semblance of normalcy was being covered by his thoughts. But ants repair their home. In a way Ben guessed he repaired too, most of the time waking up the next day with a semi-normal mind, except the next evening the anthill gets stepped on again. A repetitive cycle that he initiated day after day. He was the schoolkid that constantly disrupted the peace of their home. He was the person breaking himself. 

Many days had passed just like that. Evenings spent in the utter silence of his apartment. He slept very little, worked out a lot, and spent the rest of his time trying to push out ideas for his book. He had spent the better part of that evening in utter darkness on his couch, as he lost the inspiration to get up once the light from his window faded to the deep blue of evening. He was cold, he was tired, and he was just utterly exhausted with living with his fucked up mind. 

Ben hadn't eaten anything since midday. His lunch consisted of whatever required the least amount of energy to make, reaching that stage of his pitfall early on that day. He opted for some stale crackers and a couple of slices of turkey breast he had packaged in his very empty fridge, and although his stomach protested the effort it took to eat was also too much to handle. So he laid on his couch as per usual. 

He was mellowing, and he damn well knew that, but remember the whole inspiration to do stuff thing? Yeah, well it turns out it also took a lot of energy to get out of this hole he was sinking further and further into. 

Ben was no closer to sleep when he heard a knock on his door, faint and timid. He half debated not answering, but something tugged in his chest and instead he got up. 

A fucking miracle. 

He was immediately glad with whatever part of the shell of a life that he now was miraculously mustered up the strength to move. 

Rey stared at him from across the door way, clad with a container of cookies. 

This was her second visit in the past month, the last time she gave him a whole apple pie. It was the primary food source for him for four days, her lovely gift delaying his dreaded trip to the store for just a little longer. This was why he got up, he thought. Some subconscious part of him knew it would be Rey, and that somehow was enough to bring him back to the world. 

She launched into an explanation that Ben was actually trying to listen to. 

"You brought a lot this time." He stated, glancing at her cookies. It was the only thing he could think to say as his still muddled mind took time to catch up to his change of pace, trying to go into "Interactive mode" or as Ben liked to call it, "Pretending to be a normal functioning human being mode".

"Well I made a lot. I think there is another three dozen in my apartment." 

She had ended up in his apartment drinking his tea— which he thankfully still had left over after a successful trip to the store a few months back and graciously hadn't run out of during a couple of Rey's other visits. It was crazy the change she created in him, as if just her mere presence forced him to appear a different person. No, it was as if her presence was enough of a push for him to get his shit together for the time being. 

Her effect on him even went as far as Ben offering to help her. He regretted it the second he said it, not because he didn't want to spend more time with her, but because of the reality of it. 

Him, offering help when he is the one that can't live a functioning life. 

The idea was ridiculous, complete and utter stupidity more like it, but the smile Rey gave him after he mentioned the fact eliminated any of his thoughts on the matter. 

And now here he was analyzing their whole conversation whilst laying in bed, knowing there would be no way in hell he'd get any sleep tonight. 

~

The next morning Ben spent some quality time with the pavement, a punching bag, and as per usual, his self destructive mind. His body was numb with the cold by the time he returned to the garage he rented with his apartment. The numbness was welcomed, along with the general feeling that his lungs were bleeding. 

Physical numbness, was better than mental numbness.

He spent a minute to catch his breath before attacking the bag in the rented space, not letting that thought develop further. 

It was a good things mornings existed. 

Early. That was the only time he got anything done, chasing away the impending doom of the evening before it had time to drag him by his ankles back to the confines of his mind. 

He worked out, showered, and then slowly faded into the darkness, just like every other day. 

It wasn't until he heard that faint little knock on his door, and with that knock a little flicker of light shined through the blackness he had created. 

Welp... Ben is a writer... again

**Very original Olivia**

What can i say? i guess that's just the way my brain took it.

**And why is he depressed? No one want to read that**

I don't know okay, i'm sorry. i wasn't in the mood to make him happy. 

**Do you even know how to write a depressed person? Don't you know your going to screw up his whole character, not to mention the plot**

-Facepalms- I know okay, its going to suck. Ill just have to deal with that.

**Goodluck with that**