Sugar and Spice (A Reylo AU)

Vague and Angsty Words

"You really love him." 

"I... what?" Rey said in response to her friend. Rose, a well-known lightweight, was well past tipsy. 

The question had come out of nowhere in a crowded bar somewhere in the city. After all the things Paige planned were over Rose insisted on going on an adventure. Not ones to shut down the bride on what was now the day of her wedding the girls just patiently, or rambunctiously, followed. 

As if her thoughts summoned her, Paige waltzed up beside her. 

"You really love him," Rose repeated. 

"I don't know what I feel Rose." Truthfully, she knew she felt something. But something scared her, especially since she knew Ben didn't feel the same way, but of course, they didn't know about their little arrangement. She didn't know if she wanted them too. 

At least Ben is good at his role. 

"Oh stop it with the vague and angsty words Rey," Paige chimed in like the ever-so-blunt person she was. "We can see the way you look at him, it's just our job to get you to step out of your comfort zone and tell the man so it's out there." 

"Mhmm." She hoped they would drop this by morning and let her go down to her impending doom. It was easier that way. 

After learning the truth about her parents at eighteen, Rey never got the urge to drink. Unfortunately, that meant she was very aware of just exactly what was happening and was very aware of just exactly how she was feeling.

Luckily Rose changed the subject deciding to order another round of shots before they called it a night. 

Rey was hoping she wouldn't have to drag any passed out women back to the hotel.  

~

She finally got back to her room a few hours later, after safely depositing everyone to their respective places.

All she wanted to do was curl up in a big fluffy blanket and fall asleep. 

She kicked off her shoes and padded into the bathroom not even bothering to turn on the lights. She knew Ben wouldn't be back in until later as long as everything went smoothly. Poe was never one to let a second of late night partying pass him by. 

She hoped he was having a good time. 

Deciding upon showering she stripped her clothes and hopped into the steaming stream of water. By the time she got out she was practically drooping with exhaustion like a wilting flower, but she could never go to bed dirty.

It also didn't help that along with physical exhaustion she also felt a pressing weight of emotional exhaustion. 

Something Rose had said had stuck with her. 

You've been alone far too long, I'm glad you're not anymore. 

Tears were rolling down her face before she knew what was happening. 

"Shit."

She hastily wiped them off with her towel before haphazardly throwing it in the corner for the room service tomorrow. 

If only Rose knew just how alone she still was. 

In the time Ben and Rey spent getting to know each other she noticed that pit had been slowly filled. It was as if learning little things about him added a grain of rice to the bag she needed to fill. 

Little by little she realized just how much he meant to her, and now she understood just what that meant when he would undoubtedly leave her. 

He didn't love her. 

Even if he did that didn't stop others. 

She crawled into the shared bed, too tired and spent to realize Ben was there until she got under the covers. 

"Bad night?" His deep timbre startled her. She assumed maybe he had been asleep. 

"No, good night. Just exhausting and emotionally draining." 

He perched up on one elbow, in the darkness she could barely make out his questioning look. 

"It's nothing," she said. 

"Okay. If it helps, my night was draining too." 

He lay back and Rey looked over at him. 

"This may sound like a weird request, but can you hold me?" She hoped that wasn't a request that would screw with their agreements unspoken, delicate balance.

She didn't get a response so Rey closed her eyes assuming he fell asleep. 

Warm arms came to wrap around her middle. 

She sank into that warmth as fresh tears streaked her face. Suddenly, one hand moved and he started stroking her hair in kind gentle motions. 

"My mother used to so this when I would wake up screaming from night terrors as a kid. I like to think it helped." 

She flipped to face him. 

"It does." 

Bringing her arms to her chest she burrowed into his chest as he moved his arms to accompany her new position. She fell asleep with his hand tracing little circles on her back and the smell of him in her nose. 

Well umm. Im sorry. i put myself in a writers block and it just turned unimportant and sad, much like me. 

Anyway umm. Yeah. This isnt that great but im to lazy to try to rewrite it so ill just take the easy way out and apologize. 

sorry.