Book of Resolutions

Prologue

'We two have run about the slopes,

and picked the daisies fine;

But we've wandered many a weary foot,

since good old times.'

"Auld Lang Syne"

Written by Robert Burns

I felt exhausted after Christmas and just wanted to go to bed and stay there a few days. With any luck, maybe I could just sleep through New Year's. But, at 5:32 on the 26th of December, my telephone rang. It was my sister, Katie Lee.

"...of course, I figured you probably wouldn't want to go, but you get so snippy if I don't ask..."

"Huh?"

"Whassup? Sosy forkin?" mumbled my husband, Ben, from the other side of the bed.

"...although I can only IMAGINE what Ben will say... he has such a smart mouth."

"You called me at 5:30 to tell me Ben has a smart mouth?"

"Deny it if you will, Lou, but the man does spew sarcasm with the regularity of Old Faithful."

"Wha siglifin foosecat..." was Ben's reply from deeper in his pillow.

"Thanks for letting me know—talk to you later..." It was way too early for Katie Lee on the phone.

"So that's why I decided to call you."

"OK...guess I'll talk to you later...

"Aren't you gonna answer me?"

"It's 5:30, Katie Lee. Is anyone in the hospital or morgue or bleeding?"

"It's nearly 5:35. I've been up for hours..."

"It's 5:32. If it's not an emergency, I'll call you back at a decent hour..."

"Semantics, Lou. You should get up early like me. I've already done my butt workout, did my weight workout, walked/ran 4 miles and had breakfast."

"Good for you—I'll talk to you later..."

"Gives me energy! I went online shopping—snagged tons of bargains..."

"OK, well, I'll say goodbye then..."

"Do you want the tickets or not?"

"What tickets?"

"Don't you listen to a thing I say? The tickets I was telling you about."

Ben was awake now and he was NOT a morning person. "Gimme that phone..."

"No—now Ben, Katie Lee is trying to tell me something..." I twisted and squirmed, trying to keep the phone out of Ben's reach.

"Is Ben finally awake?" Katie Lee was bright and sunshiny. "I swear, Lou, I don't know HOW you put up with such a lazy man!"

Ben jerked the phone from me. "It is 5:30 am!"

Katie Lee said something. I gave up, went to the bathroom, gargled, washed my face and came back to listen to Ben's side of the conversation.

"I'll have you know I got up at 4:30 for over 30 years..."

Pause.

"KATIE LEE! It's none of your business if I sleep until 5:30 in the AFTERNOON!"

Pause.

"I AM NOT!"

Pause.

"I DO SO!"