Book of Resolutions

Chapter 12

DECEMBER

"The headlines will read, 'Frozen Bodies Found in Front Yard'".

"Don't be ridiculous, Ben: we'll have a MUCH better view from the back yard."

"Remind me again WHY are we spending a December night in the yard?"

"One new thing, once a month..."

"I admit it: I have never gotten frostbite within 40 feet of my warm house before."

"Nonsense, Ben. Now help me put this stuff by the door."

We were preparing to watch the Geminid Meteor Shower.

It might have been an odd choice, but it was supposed to be the best opportunity to see meteors for the year. I rhapsodized of the romance of the still, frozen night with all the stars twinkling in the heavens. Ben pointed out the cold, damp, night air and the possibility of pneumonia. I mentioned a thermos of hot chocolate and warm scarves. He countered with numb toes and frostbit noses. I coyly brought up our double sleeping bag, which had never been properly used. He raised one eyebrow and gave me a long, measuring look. Then he abruptly agreed. We prepared to watch the meteor shower.

It was odd: there had been very few occasions in our life together that Ben and I had abstained from physical demonstrations of love. The doctor had released Ben to pursue his normal activities after the traumatic groin pull, with some rather explicit instructions regarding his...er, activities. I knew Ben's injury had been of a delicate nature. The broken bones and various sprains earlier this year had barely slowed him down, but the groin injury had been different.

When Ben had tetanus, the sprains, and casts, he had been very vocal regarding his displeasure in the turns of events and hadn't refrained from any opportunity to complain. But after the injury in October, he grew quiet and suffered in silence; that's how I knew he was in true agony. Each day he painfully threaded himself into the brace, which wrapped around his upper thigh and around his waist. It looked vastly uncomfortable but he failed to utter a single complaint.

Ben had some physical therapy and as part of it, he and I began doing some simple stretches and some beginner's yoga. Ben was careful to use only beginner's poses and it seemed to help him loosen the area and the spring returned to his step. He appeared to be feeling better and I noticed he had discarded the brace. He had carried me piggyback that day in November while struggling through the deep mud and hadn't acted as though it had been a problem. I knew he was better, physically, but somehow, he seemed uncomfortable with even the thought of...er...

It was all right with me, of course. I was prepared to give him all the time he needed. The lack of physical expression did not create any tension or unpleasantness between us. As a matter of fact, we seemed even closer to each other than ever before. I wouldn't have believed I could love Ben more or that I could learn more about him after all these years. I thought we had plumbed the depths, discovered the final truths and had seen both the best and worst of our relationship and each other. But lately, every day seemed to bring a freshness and excitement. I felt eager to wake up each morning and start the day, together, with him.

During the first wave of cold weather, we cheerfully abandoned our plan of introducing each other to an unfamiliar movie. Instead, we watched all our old Christmas favorites: 'White Christmas', 'It's a Wonderful Life', 'Miracle on 34th Street', and every 'Christmas Carol' version we could find. We ate Christmas goodies, laughed and shared memories of Christmases gone by: our early years, the girls' first Christmases and little tidbits from our childhood memories.

We visited friends, attended holiday parties, went to Christmas plays to watch our grandchildren perform, and shopped for gifts together. We cut our own Christmas tree, and Ben helped me place the star and string the lights. Sometimes, we did separate activities: Ben helped Ira build a manger for the church Christmas pageant while Katie Lee and I went on a shopping spree. Ben and Buddy Ray made repairs to Buddy Ray's deer stand while Kay-Lynn and I made batch after batch of Christmas candy. But most of the time, Ben and I managed to find ways to be together.