Trust (Hoseok x BTS)

#1

Hoseok's POV:

"No, it's all your fault! Don't blame me or Tim!" shouting loud at me, my so called girlfriend made me feel much worse than I already felt.

Tears in my eyes were burning like hell, but I didn't let the tears fall. I didn't want to show how weak I felt, how stupid I felt for loving her. For still loving her.

She cheated on me with this other guy from her work. I knew something was really off when she told me she was late because extra work or something similar like that. Some days she didn't even come to our shared house for a night.

I knew something was off when I looked her right in the eyes. But what I didn't saw was that she was lying, when she finally got back home from 'work' and when she talked to me. She told so many different exuses, and I fool believed her.

But my eyes weren't the only ones that burned like crazy. Also my heart and neck felt like there was someone pressing them hard together from trying hard not to cry.

I shut my eyes, trying to ease the pain, but it didn't work. But what worked was not seeing my once loved ones face anymore.

"How is it my fault when you were the one to cheat on me?" I asked silently, almost whispering. I couldn't raise my voice, I just couldn't. I still can't yell at her, I can't. I feel bad if I do so, I just do. I don't know how she doesn't feel bad because of me.

I opened my eyes to see her reaction. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, because all I saw, was an angry girl in front of me.

Maybe it really is that she doesn't love me anymore. Or maybe she never did. I can't bring myself to believe that. And neither can I believe that I still love her.

"Because you were the reason I cheated! You are so boring, you didn't give me enough love that I deserve! You didn't give me enough attention unlike Tim did!" she yelled at me, coming closer, her hands curled up into fists, and making my heart crack a little more from her words. She looked so damn dangerous, like ready to kill me.

But did I deserve this? Did I give her enough attention or love?

I thought I did. I thought I gave her all the time I had, but I guess I was wrong.

Maybe I don't know how to love somebody. Heck, how would I even know? I'm just somebody that was selfish and wanted somebody to love them back! I think I deserve every fucking harsh words that are coming from her mouth.

She wasted her time on me, and I guess she deserves another lover. Lover that does know how to love and that she loves too. Because apparently, I wasn't that lucky person.

"I'm s-sorry" I, once again, whispered, still not confident enough to raise my voice.

I know that it is wrong to cheat on people, but it was me who caused this whole mess. I am the one to blame. She is right about that.

"You should be for wasting my time, idiot! Now go get your fucking stuff and leave. I don't want to see your boring, ugly face anymore", the girl in front of me commanted, pointing her finger at our shared room.

I just got home, and now I'm kicked out? I thought I bought this for us, love. I wasted all my money on you and all you do is kick me out, because I gave you a shelter to protect you? A place to call home.

Oh, never mind. I was the one who caused this, meaning I'm gonna pay for this shit.

And now I see things so clearly, I should just thank her. She used and lied to me, so that I can be more careful with my life decisions.

I should thank her for wasting her time on me to just help me realize things more easier. Helped me not to be so innocent about these things anymore.