chapter 9

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funky barnes: CALL 911 STEVE JUST JUMPED OFF THE ROOF

real she-ra: steven "i do my own stunts" rogers

captain assmerica: parkour

captain assmerica: ew i'm wet now >:((

binch jr: @steve ??? why

funky barnes: BECAUSE HE HECKING NOSE DIVED OFF THE ROOF AND INTO THE POOL

scared emo: pics or it didn't happen

captain assmerica: dw i got sam to film it

captain assmerica: parkour.mp4

wanda: @ the end all you can hear is bucky yelling @ steve and sam

road work: I'M CRYING DID HE LITERALLY YELLED "YEET" WHEN HE JUMPED

binch jr: @pictochat we have taught him well

youth pastor impersonator: you have made us proud

scared emo: you have evolved into a fine being

road work: indeed

bitchpool: @steve do a flip next time

captain assmerica: noted

funky barnes: DON'T WNCOURAGE HIM

binch jr: wncourage

road work: wncourage

scared emo: wncourage

youth pastor impersonator: wncourage

real she-ra: wncourage

funky barnes: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo

road work: they're all evolving

scared emo: we're all so proud

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