Taming The Afterlife

Le Chuck Norris

Loki's P.O.V.

"HELL?!" I practically screamed. "Sera does not belong in hell in the slightest. You would have to not only be the biggest idiot in the universe, but the most blinded being to ever exist." I thundered, almost making Thor jealous. 

The large mass of cloud in front of me only blinked a few times. "I'm sorry, I'm not exactly the one who gets to decide where everyone goes... Wait, that was a lie, I do get to decide where everyone goes but the ruler-..." Again, he stopped to point to the floor. "Also has a say I things. Sometimes people are just taken and there isn't anything I can do about it." The cloud explained. 

"So you're telling me that you just let whoever Hell wants be taken? No matter how good they are or how pure of a heart they have?! You just let them go and suffer for an eternity that they didn't deserve." The could blinked a few times before speaking. "Yeah, basically."

I let out a loud scoff and facepalmed myself with both hands. "I can't believe this I cannot believe that this is the afterlife that we get to live in! This is-this is great, and Sera has been suffering for years and I didn't even know about it!" I rambled, expecting tears to prick my eyes.

"Why do I feel so happy inside, this situation is terrible, I should be holding back tears." I asked in an accusing tone. "Oh, it's not possible to feel sad here. Only happy feelings." The cloud explained casually. "He was angry just a moment ago." Thor asked more than said, although the cloud only offered a shrug.

"Come with me brother, we will get you a drink and figure this out." My brother assured, slinging a muscular arm around my shoulders as he pulled me away from the cloud. "No, Thor, I do not want a drink." I protested but he shook his head. "Nonsense, we shall get you a drink and figure out a plan. Thank you for your time, Alfalfa!" He yelled back, earning a nod from the creature. 

Thor pulled me through a door and into some kind of ghost-cloud bar. Thor sat me down on one of the stools but my mind remained elsewhere. "What can I get you?" An old man with glasses and a rocking mustache asked. [Stan Lee, R.I.P.] "Just two Asgardian beers please." Thor said with a smile. 

"Thor I do not need alcohol, I need to get Sera back." I said with my head leaned against my two fingers. "And that, brother, is exactly what we are going to do!" Thor said with enthusiasm. "How, Thor? How?" I asked, feeling like I just got hit over the head with the metal frying pan of despair.

At this Thor turned my head around so that I was looking at this pathetic excuse for a bar. "Look around you. These are some of the bravest and most excellent people to ever live in the galaxy." He paused and spun me in my stool so that I was looking him dead in the eyes. "We will rally the best of the best, lead them through this spirit dimension, travel to hell, and retrieve your wife!"

I blinked with an emotionless expression. "I find your enthusiasm depleting. Besides, what do you suggest we do? Interview every single person in this place?" Thor didn't speak, he just smiled like a giant puppy.

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"Thor, did your brain forget to travel with your soul when you died because this isn't going to work." I insisted, scowling at my brother who was sitting at the table beside me. We were set up outside the door of the bar at a table with a sign that said 'Warriors Wanted'. "Be more positive Loki." Thor said, still smiling like an idiot.

I narrowed my see through, blue, ghost eyes at the spirit beside me. "I am positive this won't work." Thor ignored me as a man approached our booth. "Hello sir! What is your name?" Thor asked, creating a ghost clipboard out of thin air. 

"Sherlock Holmes." The man responded emotionlessly. "Excellent, and what are your skills?" Thor asked with enthusiasm. "Surely you know of my reputation, genius, world known, detective."

After Thor scribbled something down on his clipboard he squinted his eyes at the man. "You look familiar... Are you sure you're not like a sorcerer or an incredible weapon inventor or something?"

"Positive, ask Watson. WATSON." The man yelled off into the distance. "Yeah, this isn't going to work, NEXT." I spat harshly. The Sherlock man shrugged before walking away. "What was wrong with him, he seemed dark and brooding like you."

I blinked at my brother a few times. "There is only room for one dark and brooding person on this trip, me!" Thor raised a blue eyebrow. "Why are you so grumpy? We'll get Sera back, I promise you that!" 

"I'm not grumpy but I am frustrated because I can not feel genuinely frustrated!! My chest is filled with these blasted fluffy feelings!" My brother pat me on the back before speaking. "You are feeling happy for once, enjoy it."

Before I could reply another ghost stopped in front of us. "State your name." Thor said. "Smeagol but people callz me Gollumzies!" The hairless and bony ghost grumbled before us. I raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What are you?"

"Me used to be a Hobbitz but crazies happened and now me is Gollumzies!!" He said, flashing a toothy smile. Me and Thor shared the same look before he spoke. "I think we're going to keep looking."

The next person who stopped at our booth was a ghost dressed robes, wore an odd mask, and a long cape. "Hello!" My brother cheered, earning nothing but an odd sound of mechanical breathing. 

"Do you-Do you speak?" I asked, slightly shaking my head as I waited for an answer. 'Kheeeeeekxx Coooooooxxx' was all he had to say. "He doesn't speak." I said to Thor. "Next!" My brother said with a wave. 

Suddenly a familiar face stopped by. "I want in." A ghost version of Tori demanded. "Name." Thor said, looking down at his clipboard expectantly. Tori glared at Thor for a moment before realizing he was serious. "Tori."

"Right, now Tori, what are your skills?" Thor asked, earning and eyeroll from the woman. "Thor, it's me!" Tori growled. "I'm sorry but everyone has to fill out the paperwork, I'm not the one making the rules!" Thor exclaimed. 

"Yes you are." The woman fired back. I turned my head over to my brother before blowing his cloud clipboard out of existence. Tori smirked at me before hopping over the table and taking a seat in the middle of us. 

The next man to come up to us had brown hair and a brown beard. "What is your name, sir?" Thor asked, creating another clipboard. "Chuck Norris."

"Oh no." Tori whispered, face palming herself. "What are your skills?" I asked. "I am pretty much awesome in every way! For example, I had a bear carpet in my room back on Earth."

"You were a hunter?" Thor asked with excitement. "No, it wasn't dead it was just afraid to move. Also, I can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together!" My ghost eyes narrowed at his words "Wh-"

"You are in!" Thor exclaimed, reaching across the table and shaking the man's hand. "What?" Tori and I said in unison. "Oh come on, we can use an alley with his talents!"

The man named Chuck Norris smiled confidently. "What is it that we are up against?" Thor wasted no moment to answer the man. "We will be traveling to the depths of hell to rescue the wife of my brother and end her suffering!" Ghost sunglasses appeared on Chuck's eyes and his ghost biceps largened. "Let's do it!"