My Story

Chapter 1: Depression

Depression has been apart of my life since 2013. I was diagnosed at the age of 12 and re diagnosed again at the age of 17. Through 7th - 8th grade and all of high-school. Suffering from depression has made life difficult, especially when completing my high-school career. Obviously, some days were harder than others, but even on the goods days my depression lingered. My bad days were often traumatizing, especially in the eleventh grade where I suffered massive heartbreak. On my bad days it is very difficult for me to move, my body often feels exhausted along with my mind. I sleep for hours and even then I have lingering exhaustion. My legs feel broken, almost as if I can't walk. My stomach has an emptiness feel to it, a feeling I can't even put into words. I have no motivation, not even enough to brush my teeth or to comb my hair. I don't eat so I end up losing an immense amount of weight - that I can't afford to lose because my frame is very petite. My emotions are usually shut off, I feel numb both inside and out. I don't have the courage to smile or to talk. I stare and I am always thinking. I rarely cry but if I do, I can't stop. My bad days often last a few days, maybe even a week or more. They're sometimes triggered by a specific event but most of time, it's random and unexpected. On my good days, I still find it difficult to get myself out of bed but I can manage a day. It's been hard dealing with this because my mom is the type of person who doesn't believe in depression - unless you've been in war or have experienced poverty. She sees what happens to me as "attention seeking." It's difficult when your entire family doesn't support you because they see your bad days as excuses to get out of doing things. "Oh you're just being lazy." No. I am mentally suffering.