My Story

Chapter 3: Anxiety

I have suffered with anxiety my entire life. It didn't get increasingly bad until eleventh grade. During first term, I had experienced many panic attacks. I had serious trouble with making new friends and even keeping the friends I had. Anxiety to me was like I was drowning while seeing the surface but never being able to swim to the top because the harder you try, the further down you fall. The feeling when you touch your pocket and you don't feel your phone, but all the time about everything. Like having a boulder sitting on your chest and feeling like you're being crushed. Anxiety, to me, is like carrying a weight on your back. Some days you can manage, you can go on with your day. But other days you can barely move. It holds you back, slows you down. Anxiety for me wasn't just getting a jittery stomach when I was called on in class. It was literally crying to my parents because I didn't want to order my own food. It's sitting in class with sweaty hands and a shaky leg. It's thinking about everything in your life and blaming yourself - even when you know it's not your fault. It's not sleeping at night because your thoughts are too vivid. It's being afraid all the time. It's not being able to look someone in the eyes because eye contact just scares you. It's having the overwhelming feeling of people judging you anywhere you go.