Never Alone

Chapter 21

Stepping out of the tent and into the chilly morning air, Trevor heaved a deep sigh. His breath hung like a fog in front of him then disappeared. He stuck his foot in it again. As badly as he wanted to kiss her, he made a vow to wait until she was ready to trust him again. Now he kissed her in his sleep, and not only was she upset with him, he wasn't even awake to enjoy it.

His mind shifted to the dream he was caught in the middle of when he woke to her sudden movement. In the confines of sleep, Annie gave him the opportunity to explain why he acted the way he had with Becky. When she heard about the change in his life, she understood and forgave him. Finally, he was able to tell her the words burning on his tongue for a year...he told her he loved her and meant every word of it. When she told him she loved him in return, he thought his chest would explode. In his dream, he had kissed her, and his heart thudded like a drum when she kissed him back.

Sadly, it was all a dream. After the liberty he took, whether he was aware of what he was doing or not, it would likely remain a dream forever. How would she ever give him a chance to explain now? The tears in her eyes made it abundantly clear she did not appreciate his actions. Kicking a pile of dried leaves, he watched as the tattered, decaying bits fluttered lazily to the ground.

Closing his eyes, he prayed for another chance. He couldn't imagine life without her. The last year was nothing short of miserable knowing she would rather not see him again. Though he knew he deserved her disdain after his callous behavior, he still clung to the hope she would grant him forgiveness and give him the chance to make it up to her for as long as they both should live.

"Never, never, never give up," Tracy's words rang through his mind and shined a small ray of hope into the bleakness.

"I won't give up, Tracy," he whispered. "But it doesn't look promising."

Poking at the cold ash from last night's fire with a stick, he squared his shoulders determined to focus on anything but the regret he felt. Resolutely he stood and picked some thick branches from the pile he gathered the day before. Soon, a fire blazed merrily and he set a grate over the flame. While a cast iron skillet heated, he stirred together pancake mix and some bottled water.

After the pancakes were cooked to a light, golden brown, he flipped the steaming cakes onto a tin plate and covered it to keep them warm. In the same pan, he cracked a few eggs and off to one side, he laid strips of marbled bacon on the other.

Within minutes, the delicious smells coaxed a growl from his empty stomach. Glancing at the tent, he wondered if he should bring Annie a plate of food or wait for her to come out on her own. She asked for time alone, and he did not want to annoy her more than he already had.

Deciding it would be best to give her space, he covered a plate of breakfast for her and set it aside. Hopefully, she would join him soon. He bowed his head and thanked God for the food. After praying for their continued safety, he asked for another chance with Annie and the wisdom to stop blundering and falling three steps backward for every step of progress they made.

Even though his stomach begged for nourishment, the food on his plate was tasteless on his tongue. Knowing his chances with Annie were considerably less promising than yesterday, the things that would have once given pleasure lost all their shine. Not only was the food bland, but the birds seemed to sing in a minor key overhead, the breeze was cool and uninviting, and the light of the sun dim and cold. He shook his head and set the plate aside with only half its contents eaten. The fact that he was the author of his own problems only made the situation worse.

"Dwelling on it won't help," he chided himself. Bowing his head, he once again gave the entire situation to God and left it at His feet. Every time he put his oar in things fell apart, so it only made sense to let God work as only He was able to do.