Black and royal blue

XVI. The talk

Mitsuhide's report on Ana troubled me deeply. She's turned into a whole new person and not in a good way. First, she isolated herself. Then she refused to eat properly. And now this... She was going too far.

I asked Mitsunari to let me have dinner with her tonight. He was just as worried as everyone else so he agreed without hesitation. Last time I failed, but now I really needed to talk some sense into her.

'Ana, can I come in?' I didn't care about the answer, just slid the door and entered.

'I thought it was Mitsunari's turn to babysit me.' Great! She is hostile already.

'Good evening to you too!'

I sat down and put down the tray before her. She looked surprised.

'I get dessert for dinner? Hideyoshi doesn't know about this, does he?' She laughed. Even her laugh changed completely. There was no trace of happiness or joy in it. Just misery.

'Actually, it was his idea.' I tried to remain calm but it wasn't easy.

'Then I must be in big trouble.' She giggled.

'Killing yourself is no laughing matter.' I sighed. 'We are seriously concerned about you. You know that, right?'

'Why is everyone making such a big deal out of it? I knocked over a plate, it broke and cut my hand. That's all. You are slightly overreacting this, aren't you?' She poked the sweets with her chopsticks. 'I mean, this is ridiculous.'

'Don't take me for a fool!' I shouted at her. Her stubbornness pissed me off. She fliched and looked at me nervously. She hesitated.

'Can we go out to the garden?' She asked softly.

'Whatever.' How can she make me lose my patience so easily?

I followed her to the garden and we sat down on a bench. She didn't take me seriously and it annoyed me. We've been sitting there for a while when she finally broke the silence.

'Masamune?'

'Hm?'

'What happened in the shrine? Hideyoshi told me you found me there, but I can't remember anything.'

I stared at her. I had no idea...

'Your maid told Ieyasu and me that you were missing. We went searching for you. I remembered that you once told me about that shrine so I went there. I found you curled up on the floor. You were not yourself. You were terrified like an animal when it's cornered. Didn't even recognise me... Your whole body was trembling. I didn't know what else to do, so I held you until you calmed down and fell asleep.'

'How? Show me!' She didn't look at me.

'Like this.' I pulled her into my arms and she instinctively grabbed my kimono and buried her face in my chest just like that night. All my anger towards her vanished. I kissed the top of her head and rested my chin there. She inhaled deeply. Her body felt so weak and tiny. I put my hand on the nape of her neck and caressed her. She was cold and her pulse was slow. Like she was barely existing. I thought she might disappear into thin air if I didn't hold her tight. 'Exactly like this.' I whispered.

'Masamune... I'm broken.' Her face was pushed against my chest and she talked so quietly, I could barely understand what she said. I hooked my finger under her chin and lifted it to face me.

'What are you even saying?' I gazed into her eyes but I only found sadness, torment and emptiness there. I couldn't recognise her anymore... 'What happened to you?' I stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.