The "Story of My Life"

The Story of my Rape

It was February 7th, 2018, I was in the same place you would always find me on a weekday evening, in the Elmira College campus library. I was studying for a political science test a few days later. I was in the conference room with three other classmates.
I packed up my books at around 9pm and get ready to head to my car. Normally, I would stay on campus much later, but we were expecting a huge snow storm overnight with a possibility of over a foot of snow. I had little winter driving experience, so I left early to beat the storm. I packed up my bag and headed out of the library. I took a small pathway to my car, as I always did because walking between two buildings was the quickest route to my car. There was already a dusting of snow so I got a little nervous. It didn't help that I was walking at night on campus by myself, which I almost never did. But I had to get home, so I continued walking to my car.
When I reached my car, I unlocked it and opened the driver's door. I leaned over and put the keys in the ignition to start my car. I then stood up and went to the driver's side back door and opened it. I set my bookbag in the seat. I started digging through my bag for my phone charger. That's when he came up behind me.
One hand grasped my mouth, and the other fell between my legs, all while I was bent over the back seat. He yanked my pants down and forced my head down into the seat. That's when he finally spoke up "I knew you wouldn't be wearing panties."
His voice made me freeze in place. I knew who my attacker was. I wanted to scream, I wanted to fight back. But I was frozen in place. I wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening to me, so I listened to the song playing in my car. Delicate by Taylor Swift. It was on my playlist as I preordered her new album just months before. I just listened and sobbed silently as he forced himself inside of me. He finished on me before the song was over, only a few thrusts and he was done. He said "good luck on the test." And just walked away. I collapsed to my knees and just sat there for what seemed like an eternity. I stood up and scrambled to pull up my pants. I shut the door and locked them. I just set my head onto the wheel, I kept thinking "what just happened? Is this a dream?" I prayed, and this was the first time in years that I had truly prayed. I prayed for anything and everything. I remember praying for the strangest things, like for my brothers to make honor roll again. I asked god to heal a childhood friend who didn't even have cancer anymore. But the main thought was "why me, God?"
I stopped crying and just drove away like nothing ever happened. As I got on route 86, 1234 by the Plain White Tee's came over the aux cord. I pulled over and bawled, singing the lyrics through my sobs. "Piece me back together when I fall apart." I just wanted to be in Brad's arms. When the song was over, quietness flooded my car. It was the last song on my playlist. I picked up my phone and my mind went straight to my old friend Bree. She would know what to do. It was a really easy phone call; we hadn't talked in 3 years, but I knew we would be able to pick up where we left off.
When I finally got home, she was sitting on the front porch waiting for me. I knew I had to go to the emergency room, but Brad was waiting inside for me to get home. I walked inside and told him what had happened. He showed almost no emotion and just went right back to bed. That's when I knew our relationship wouldn't survive this.
I left with Bree to go to the emergency room.
Now remember, it's now 1am the night of a huge snow storm. Most of the emergency room staffed had called off, so the process was so slow. The social worker came in and explained to me my rights, asked me all sorts of questions. Next the doctor came in. He explained that he wanted to do a rape kit and test for DNA. Once I consented, it was only a matter of minutes before my legs were spread on the table. Large, painful cotton swabs and cold lubricating gel. Then it was just over. The police were too busy dealing with accidents to come and take my statement. The social worker just told me to call the police later that day.
It's now 7am and I left the emergency room. The roads hadn't been plowed yet, but somehow I made it home. I took a shower and went straight to bed. I slept for 12 hours straight. When I woke, it was a little after 8pm. Brad was still away at work. I texted Bree back; she had texted me a few hours earlier and invited me to her apartment. So I went.
It didn't surprise me when she pulled out alcohol and marijuana. I must have blacked out because the next thing I remember is stumbling home in a foot of snow. It was all so crazy. I had never been drunk, I had only smoked weed one other time and that was at 13 years old. Yet it was somehow less crazy than facing the idea I had been raped less than 24 hours beforehand.
What happened must have finally hit Brad, because when i arrived home, he was so worried about me. The next day, i found myself at Bree's house again when I got a phone call from Adam. Brad had taken one of his knives on campus and was trying to find dorm room of the guy who raped me. Adam had seen him and talked him down. I drove drunk to the college to pick up Brad. He explained that he wanted to carve "rapist" into my attacker's forehead. Once we got home, the rape was never brought up again.
To this day, this event still haunts me. I will never forget the date it happened, his voice, his name. He was in my politics course and had just been in the study group with us. The test was for that course. I will never forget his eyes, how long the short drive home was, how heavy my steps were when entering the emergency room, how hard it was to explain to the secretary that I had just been raped. I will never forget the outfit I had on, my blue PINK shirt, my black leggings with fleece, my snow boots.
I never wore panties with leggings, but I do now.