and again i find you - nomin

remembering him

Jaemin laid very still on his bed as the minutes ticked by, sleep abandoning him with Jeno a few feet away. His mother had helped them set up a blow up mattress on the floor, the boy staking claim and not allowing Jaemin to even offer his bed. He was in his night clothes pretty much the second he arrived, Jaemin biting his lip at how soft the boy looked. He wore an oversized sweater and pajama pants, slippers on his feet. Jaemin kind of wanted to hug him, but that would be odd.

Maybe not that odd. Memories of having always been in each other's space filled his mind. He used to hug Jeno a lot, used to throw his hands on him for no reason. It would end in some sort of play fight, but then afterward they would lie with their legs tangled up, watching movies or listening to music. Jaemin has an inkling to do that now, to lay his head on the boy's thighs and just be with him. He wanted Jeno to pet his hair and tell him jokes like old times and before he got too carried away he had hid away in the bathroom.

He couldn't stay in there too long, not wanting Jeno to think of him weirdly. He eventually wandered into his room, laying down and thinking of all the things he had to still do, but not wanting to. He was too caught up in Jeno.

"Are you going to sleep already?" Jeno had asked some minutes later because he had decided to enter the room and stay there, his backpack now with him. "Don't you have like homework to do or something?" He did, he really did have homework, but all he wanted right now was to sleep, to see if maybe tomorrow he'd wake up and Jeno would be gone. Maybe it was all a dream, maybe his imagination was just playing tricks. How could he get stuck in this really bizarre situation where his sudden infatuation with Jeno could only grow more because he was suddenly living with him.

"Ah, I finished it." He hadn't and he was sure to copy Mark's work tomorrow. Still, he threw his blanket over him in earnest because he planned on sleeping, he planned on never moving until Jeno was gone, but the boy sat on the mattress, lugging his books with him He was going to do his homework. In Jaemin's room. Jaemin might just die. It was so mundane, so stupid to be fond of the boy for doing his homework, but Jaemin thought it was cute. It was cute how he sat there with his work, frown upon his lips as he thought about his answers. Jaemin was so glad he was so focused else he might see a dreamy eyed Jaemin watching him. He looked away when the boy began to put his stuff away, pretending to be asleep for the other boy's sake.

Then the lights were being turned off and Jaemin was left in darkness, still wide awake and still very aware that Jeno was there with him. A flashback ran through his mind suddenly, of an old night, days before Jeno was set to move away.

"Do you think I could still come over even if I move to Busan?" Jeno had asked because he was only ten then. He had no perception of distance of how much travel time it would be from Busan to Incheon.

"I think so, our moms love talking a lot. They'll have to get see each other again." They were hopeful, so hopeful that even with the distance their friendship could work. Jaemin never wanted to see Jeno gone. He was like the brother he never had. He was his best friend, his only friend at the time. He could never imagine his life without him. "I'll probably see you the next day." Jeno had nodded, had accepted that as fact. Jaemin wanted to believe it true. He didn't want to think that just because he would be miles away, they wouldn't be able to see each other everyday.

But the next day came and Jeno was never to be seen again. At least he was for six years. Six years of never seeing the only friend Jaemin had loved so dearly for such a long time. Jeno was all he had, practically since birth. He was almost lost without him, without the boy sitting with him for dinner or in his room doing homework. It was like a piece of Jaemin was missing and it was almost two full years before Jaemin felt like he could be normal again. He became friends with Mark and then Haechan and then it was like Jeno was old news. Most days after that, his mind never looked back, never flashbacked to the boy who once was his neighbor. It wasn't until now, until he was back in his life again that it all just came flashing back. All the late nights and shared memories and it was like maybe Jaemin had always kind of loved Jeno but maybe he's only realizing what kind of love it was.