A Suitable Companion

Chapter 18: Christmas sucks, maybe

Next morning, I wake up, terribly hungover and with an uneasy feeling in my gut. I mean, uneasy in addition to feeling slightly nauseous. Then it all comes back to me. The perfect start of the evening, which slided into something not so perfect and ending in catastrophe. His eyes black with anger, his body language as distant as it possibly could be, except for that extremely weird kiss. What was that? I'm totally confused. Why would he do that? It was a horrible kiss, because it felt like he did not want it, so devoid of affection. Nothing like I had imagined it would be if we kissed, not saying that I actually have imagined it. At least not that many times.

I stay where I am for long, just staring at the ceiling, my mind drifting and not in the mood to move. Finally, I go to the bathroom to freshen up. I meet my own eyes in the mirror. I look tired, torn, nothing like the sparkling girl that left the house in Charles company yesterday. Puffy under the eyes not only from the alcohol but also because I cried myself to sleep. I splash my face with cold water, to try to wake up for real, to face reality. I fear meeting him again, but I know I will not get any peace until I do. Until we can talk this through. I just have to live through this day, so I can meet him tomorrow. That is all I want.

Nan is the first to notice I'm not exactly cheerful, as one could expect after a Christmas party. Her sight is disturbingly sharp for someone her age, or maybe it is her sixth sense. But then again, it does not take a genius to understand that something happened between last night and now, just by the looks of me.

"Molly dear, how are you today?" she sits down next to me in the couch. The others are busy elsewhere in the house or away, so it is just the two of us. Yet I hesitate, because I'm not sure what to say about it really.

"I'm all right, I suppose."

"Are you? You don't look it."

"So, I look like shit? Thanks for that."

"I didn't say that. But you looked way happier when you left last night with that wonderful young man."

Yes, that is the problem, isn't it? That he is an absolutely wonderful man, but he is not mine.

"Oh, Nan, I don't know what went wrong. It started so great, we had the best time. And then this gorgeous woman appears, who he knows since way back and seems to like very much – and she was all over him. So, I went dancing and having fun with others, and then he just got so mad. And I said stupid things to him, because I was drunk."

I bury my face in my hands. I do not tell her about the kiss, I cannot bring myself to do it. It is just a too embarrassing moment to put into words.

"Are you sure he really fancied that woman?"

"It was quite obvious."

"Because the way he looked at you when you came down those stairs, I would not have imagined that he would even look at another woman."

It hurts, because for a magic moment there I thought the same, maybe. But I was wrong.

"She was so beautiful, and she saved his life when he was injured in the jungle."

"Molly, from what you have told me it seems like you have too. Saved his life, although not in the jungle. And why was he mad?"

"I had fun with a guy he really doesn't like, and I said things to him that were not very kind."

"To me it seems like you both made a mess of a nice evening and need to talk to each other to sort things out."

I think so too, and even if I fear it, the sooner the better. But he has other plans. In the afternoon I get a text from him: