r.e.m

dr. whoever.

Please be my Dr. Whoever...

I collapse on the side of the bed with my chest heaving up and down. I catch my breath before I turn to look at him who was doing the same. He flashes that authentic smile of his and I grin at him before getting up. I grab my thong and tank top from the floor pulling them on. I still felt like I was on this high as my flimsy legs felt like they were walking on air. I watch as he discards of the condom in the trash beside the bed before standing up to pull his sweatpants on. I take my time to check myself in the mirror while I allow him to get ready.

"It's past midnight! Happy birthday, bestie!" He says scooping me up in his arms. I let out a slight yelp before I bust out in laughter from him spinning me around. I was now 23 but things still felt the same.

"Thank you!" I kiss him on the cheek and he puts me down.

You see, Rabbit was my best friend... with benefits. Things always were this intense with him. That was his personality period. "So, you know how I told you my parents ain't fucking with me right now?" He asks as he makes his way over to my dresser. I nod as lay across my bed watching him pull out a bag of blow. "I called my mom to ask her for some money and she called me a drug addict... a cokehead to be more specific." He says as he dumps the coke on the dresser and begins to line it up. I shake my head as he sniffs two lines with a pre-rolled dollar bill. "You want in on this?" He asks pointing to the extra line.

"I told you I don't like it," I say to him. I tried it once and it definitely wasn't for me. "And you do need to stop sniffing that stuff like it's candy, bruh. I'ma be pissed if you overdose on that shit. I'm the one who has to bring you back to life, not ya moms so I should be the one who's tight..." I say seriously because he was the only person I currently had. I kept Narcan on deck because there were so many occasions where he has overdosed. I feared for his life at times.

"You sound just like that bitch. You act like I'm a fiend." He says sniffing another line. I didn't bother to reply because we all had our ways with coping with things. I had my outlets and he had his. I wasn't the one to judge and neither was he which is why we got along so well. Plus we had so many things in common. I swear he was the male version of me and vice versa. "Any word on your brother?" He asks changing the subject. My stomach twists a bit at the mention of his name but I've grown used to our separation.

"He killed the private investigator." Rabbit begins to laugh obnoxiously at my response. I didn't think it was funny at all seeing as though I was only trying to keep tabs on him to make sure he was alright. I'm sure it was some type of message to me. All I wanted was to know he was okay so essentially I got what I wanted out of the deal. He clearly was alright but that's as much as I knew about him.

"Yo, that man is straight cutthroat!" Rabbit laughs as he lays on the bed in front of me so that we were face to face. It's been a while since I've seen or heard from Jasai. We haven't spoken since our argument back in the Bahamas. I missed him so much but the words he spoke to me cut deep. When he said he didn't need me that altered my life because he was the one I needed the most. Now I've been living without him for over a year and it still hasn't gotten easier.