the boy on the bridge ✔️

13. room boy

Chapter 13 — room boy

His bedroom door opens with a small, tentative creak. Josh hears it but makes no movement to see who it is — although he doesn't have think about it much. It's probably only Josie, coming in to check up on him. Again.

After the initial realisation that he likes a certain someone and that he is, well you know what, he went right to sleep — somehow at night, blanketed by the darkness, it didn't seem that big of a deal to him. He definitely didn't think of the consequences it could bring to him.

But he woke up the next day, and like a big wave, everything that he's realised poured over him and pulled him under, and he couldn't see a way out. He had a proper freak-out session only then.

What am I going to do now?

How can I face him?

How can I face anyone?

The thing with Josh is that he is perfectly okay that he is gay and that he likes bridge boy — more than perfectly okay. He feels positively happy.

But Josh also unfortunately happens to be someone who cares a lot about what others think, particularly about him. He hates it, but it's the truth. He often acts and behaves in a certain way that is socially-acceptable — he very rarely does something that might be displease someone.

He can't help it; it's something that he has been brought to believe since he was a child. It took him a long time to realise that it's even okay to put himself first. But realising something doesn't mean you're going to immediately start living by it.

Josh still finds it hard to just not care. The only way he knows how to cope with all this building conflict inside him is denial.

Pretend that everything is just as it was.

Nothing has changed. Josh has learned nothing new.

Fortunately, enough, he learnt that his father would not be in town for the upcoming few days, and so there couldn't be a more perfect opportunity. He decided he's going to stay right in his room and just... wallow is his own self-pity for a bit.

He asked Josie to inform the school that he's come down with a flu and that he wouldn't be well enough to attend any of the classes for at least a few days. Of course, she didn't agree at first and had many questions — since Josh has never been one to skip school at all — but he managed to bribe her by offering her his one week's worth of pocket money.

He doesn't think his mother has even noticed that he hasn't left the house in the last couple of days. Now, he only has to hope that no one from his school calls either of his parents to verify his absence.

Hope has very rarely stayed on his side however, so he should have known better.

If it were Josie, she would have made herself known by either loudly talking or plopping on the bed next to him, annoying him. But other than that small creak he doesn't hear anything else.

But just as he starts to pull the covers down, he feels a hand on his leg, and he startles, sitting up and yelling: "Go away, Satan. I bani–" his words die out as soon as he sees who it is though, "Mother?"

"Yes, Joshua," she huffs, placing a hand over her chest, shaking her head a little, "Satan? Really?"

"Well, I didn't know it was you,"

He isn't sure yet if he should feel relieved or not — he is certainly relieved that it's his mother instead of his father, but his mother can sometimes be a little... subservient, and bring this matter straight to his father.