the boy on the bridge ✔️

15. alive boy

Chapter 15 — alive boy

Josh decides to visit the bridge that night — it has been a while after all, hasn't it? After that unexpected talk with his father, and his mother intervening and his parents' sudden argument, Josh can really do with an escape. It's just an added bonus that he may get to see the bridge boy as well.

He didn't at all expect to see the bridge boy today. But there he was at his school, unannounced — but, of course, there was no way for him to inform Josh about it with him avoiding going to the bridge the past couple of days and them having not exchanged any other means of communications. Josh still can't decide how he should feel about that, the bridge boy showing up at his school. He knows how he felt: he was shocked at first, unable to believe hie eyes and ears (all his reality, basically), but soon after he felt happy, giddy-ish, and he could feel giggles bubbling up his throat, his cheeks warming up. He was genuinely pleased to see him, but is that how he was supposed to feel, he can't help but wonder.

Josh won't lie; he has been wanting to see the curly-haired boy very much these past few days, but... He just doesn't know he can see him. He likes him, he's begun to realise. And since realising that, his feelings have only started to multiply, and that is without meeting him on a daily basis. Josh dreads to think about how it will be if he does see him every day.

If the bridge boy hadn't shown up at his school his field earlier that day, maybe Josh would have continued to avoid going to that bridge forever. But seeing him today, and realising that not seeing him and talking to him is not magically going to make his feelings for him disappear. Also, it's not fair to the bridge boy, isn't it? To stop talking to him out of the blue without a proper reason.

The blond decides that he will start going back to the bridge once again — he has to remind himself that he has been going to the bridge even before this boy showed up in his life. So, it's not like he is going to the bridge solely for him.

He reaches the bridge earlier than he usually would. No matter how many he tells himself that he's only there for himself, to be away from his parents and his house, his eyes still quickly scan the bridge upon reaching looking for one particular individual, and when he realises his not there, he feels his spirits deflate — a little, but still.

Josh scoffs at himself, feeling absolutely ridiculous, and sits down at the edge of the bridge, his legs dangling down. The bridge boy may or may not show up, and Josh is not going to consider that. He's just going to be at the bridge. And it's still early, maybe he will come by later.

Josh leans forward a little and looks at the rocky river beneath the bridge.

"So, you're still alive, huh?"

The bridge boy's words from earlier that day echoes in his mind and Josh frowns in thought, leaning back. He knows that the bridge boy only meant it as a joke, but surely there has to be some concern behind that statement, right? Josh won't blame him, really, maybe he will have thought of the same thing. He has to appreciate the bridge boy for this — not once before has he outwardly asked him about that little 'incident' on their first meeting.

To be honest, even Josh hasn't thought much about it ever since that day. That was a bold, reckless decision that he made and he cannot figure out how he reached to that point. He knew that he was unhappy, but up until that point he didn't realise how truly unhappy he was. A heavy feeling sets in his chest as he thinks about it once again. It's not like suddenly he's okay with his life now.

If he truly allows himself to consider it, yeah, he's not... okay, he thinks. But who really is; half of the people he knows, especially his classmates, complains about one thing or other and... it's just a part of life. He'll be fine. He knows for certain that he's not going to try that again, so it's all good.